A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello everybody,Here goes some matter that has been troubling me:Often when I'm aroused, the idea of having a threesome with my GF and another guy excites me alot. What does that mean? For years i would find it disgusting and get mad at myself for even imagining that scenario. I do not feel gay, as I had no intention to interact with the man, and do not feel atracted to a male body, just us both pleasuring my GF.I have this idea that sexually, it must be one of the best things for women, as far as maths go, 2 1 hehe :), so, deep down, i would like to give her all these sensations and new experiences.You might say "Well, you must feel like you don't satisfy her, so unconciously, you would like someone else to". I don't feel like that because I think i satisfy her plentyI would never put her in this situation though: jealous yes(that's why i find it incredibly odd!), and the risks of diseases, indiscretion, and whatnot.Still, i do not feel ok with these thoughts and don't even know where they are coming from!Thanks in advance folks, this is a great site with a wonderful community! Cheers Andrew!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): Hi. That does not make you gay or a pervert. I think it's a fantasy as any other, and quite normal for men, I think. So, do not feel uncomfortable with that. About the fact that you dont want it put in practice, that shows a lot about your feelings for her. So, talk with her, and if you are matched (I'm sure that you are), you will see that she will accept this fantasy with naturalness. :)
S.B.F.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2009): I'm glad to hear you won't act on it. I only guessed that you may want to see how you like to be a third party observing details that you otherwise miss during normal sex. For the same reason certain men enjoy seeing their wives in the company of other men, because they are comfortable in the third party role and view it as normal, maybe as a rehearsal or a common distraction. I elaborated on other aspects priorly but only you can tell what actually attracts you most about this idea. What I can tell you is you can rest assured that it's not a problem unless you make it one by dwelling on it too much, during every sexual act for example. Then you will have to wonder if you and your partner are suited for each other or there are other issues that should be addressed in or outside of your relationship; use your rich imagination in the meanwhile to also add more colour to the scenery in other ways, being open to your girlfriend's suggestions too! After six years you may take each other for granted. I'm sure you can surpass this phase though.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't think you have really paid attention to what I wrote: What i am trying to understand is why this kind of thougth occurs. I'm not trying to have a threesome, or to convince her to do one, and i actually am jealous and quite posessive of her as you said. I'm not debating wether to have one or not!
"Be sure to film the bodies and not the faces."
Why not the faces aswell bitterblue?
Thanks alot for your comments!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009): If my man asked this of me, I would think he doesn't truly love me or know how to love, because normally he is posessive(not rudely) of another man making passes at me and couldn't stand the thought of another man touching me. Again if he wanted this, I would leave the relationship.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009): Sigh..... Don't....Do.... Don't....Do These are the answers you will get on here. We did MMF and FFM. We just said it won't break us if it goes wrong, but it will be something we can look back on when we are 70.Both experiences were fantastic.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009): You may be willing to cross some safe limits in order to have your relationship recoup the energy it lacks. But remember you can spice things up in other ways. I referred earlier to a type of generousity that springs from an intense desire to revive the relationship that perhaps is at a dead point or so it may seem, and what you are willing to give to accomplish it. Taking a submissive role and giving away more than you can in normal circumstances accept is most often not the key.
It is common that one partner is at one point or even throughout the relationship more generous sexually or emotionally but the way he expresses this is very important for the good being of what you have. It can lead to imbalances of all kinds. Another reason why you have thought about this that I omitted could be that you want to visualise her from a different perspective in order to observe her reactions better or from a different angle. Many people share this fantasy but not all can handle applying it. As an alternative you can film and watch the tape together. Be sure to film the bodies and not the faces. Forcing you to leave this fantasy behind would not solve much either. Imagination alone never hurt anyone. It is a matter of accepting how you think, your nice thoughts and shocking ones alike. Socialise with your girlfriend more, take time to remember why you picked her as many times an improvement of your non sexual life can increase your appetite in the bedroom by providing a more relaxed background based on values you share.
All the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey, thanks for all the answers!
We have talked about this issue for awhile. She is not interested in doing it, although she plays along with the fantasy and we often do "phone sex" about it.
We did brough it up bitterblue, about having one with a woman. She would be more interested in this, but would not do it also, since, as you said, things that we thought we could handle, could get out of hand fairly easy. She is Bicurious btw.
-"This may be a sign your relationship is pale now and needs some cheek colour. There are of course many ways to achieve this and choices as many."
I think it might be related to this actually. Although we have a pretty damn good sex life, I miss the thrill of a new relationship. We are dating for almost 6 years now.
-"It could also be your way (have you thought?) to express generosity (sexually), by resorting to this as a means at the cost of annulling yourself by disregarding your own likes and dislikes. This would also point to a fragile self esteem."
Please, elaborate a bit more about this, although i don't think it's my case, i find it really interesting. My english is not so good as it was, but i think what you meant is me taking the submissive role and somewhat punish myself emotionally by watching her get off with someone else, correct?
I especially enjoyed reading your answer, thanks bitterblue!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009): It may be exciting because it's forbidden fruit. For starters let go of the guilt that you are feeling and rationalise for yourself. Don't mix these ideas with the guilt or shame as it will serve you no good. People have all kinds of fantasies, some stranger than others, some very expensive can cost a relationship when applied in wrong ways or by persons that can't handle them although initially they thought they could or tricked themselves into thinking so.Most fantasies are harmless though when kept private or simply not acted upon. We all have fairly peculiar thoughts but it is how we deal with them what counts. You needn't invent reasons or excuses why this is so. It may help though if you fathom how you think and are and get to bottom of what stimulates you and why. This may be a sign your relationship is pale now and needs some cheek colour. There are of course many ways to achieve this and choices as many. It may also be an indicator that you are rather unsure of your ability to please her. This could explain why it even occurred to you to bring up another man. Have you also considered another woman? Would your partner be open to this, by the way? It could also be your way (have you thought?) to express generosity (sexually), by resorting to this as a means at the cost of annulling yourself by disregarding your own likes and dislikes. This would also point to a fragile self esteem. It clearly is out of your scope to apply this in reality given that you surround it with hesitation and what not. Imagination is safe however. While this fantasy seems unfeasable for you try to analyse if there are ingredients lacking from this relationship, and think how you could make the relationship more effective by applying this fantasy. Think how joining or stopping this and other activities would influence you. It is again I think a matter of a better understanding of who you are and what you prefer and why.
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female
reader, vampchick +, writes (17 January 2009):
It may not make u gay but most girls see sex as something with alot of emotional attachment, therefore not pleasurable to have sex with another man not ur bf. Some girls do usually those with low selfworth. Advice it might help if u have sex in a mirror that way u can watch her from a different angle. Its not uncommon for guys to want to see the effect sex has on their girl, and most porn is a guy getting off with a girl.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009): i have the same fantasies, man, it's probably pretty common. I'd love to watch my lady go at it with some other guy, so I could watch her expressions, see her experience pleasure. usually when you're actually having sex with a girl you can't see her from every angle, sometimes you can't see her face at all. she's a gorgeous chick, with a very sexy body, I'd love to see what she looks like from every perspective while having sex. plus I'm sure she'd like it too if she got to pick the dude haha. so basically I'm saying, don't worry about it, it doesn't make you gay.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009): Just stop thinking about it and keep repeating those reasons to yourself that it's a bad idea. It's not a good idea to me and ask your girlfriend if she's even okay with doing that stuff. If she is, that means she's kinky and weird. Threesome is just weird.
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male
reader, heartshatter  +, writes (17 January 2009):
threesome are good in a way
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