A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have a confusing situation: I've been talking to some girl for quite some time now and I've developed a huge crush on her. We've been hanging out a little as of late, and we flirt, I tease her, I make her laugh, we connect on different levels, etc. I got a friend of mine who is also friends with her to ask her what she thought about me. What she said was that she loved me but just as friends, even saying that I was something like a "gay friend" without being actually gay. What I don't understand is why she sees me that way as I don't do all the stereotypical gay friend stuff: I don't suck up to her, she's not the only girl I'm friends with, I don't jump to the opportunity of making something for her, etc. I tease her and we flirt a lot, and I even have told her about other women I've seen in my life. So I don't know why she would see me that way. Any ideas? Also, any way I can get out of this situation? Thanks agony aunts.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 March 2013):
 She sees you as her "gay friend" because she does not have any interest in dating you....
you are "friend zoned" with her.... nothing you can do to change it... it's just not there for her.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 March 2013):
 "I got a friend of mine who is also friends with her to ask her what she thought about me." Next time, just ask her out directly. That will establish you as being interested and "macho" enough to risk rejection.
Any way out of this? You need to be perceived as being datable by her friends. Right now, she knows you like her and there's no mystery there. Stop talking about your exes with her. If you are good at something, such as sport, make sure she gets a chance to watch you excel at that. Don't smile and laugh with her as much. Smell good. Invade her body space every now and again (without touching her) and then withdraw again.
She may not feel any chemistry with you, just as there are girls who may like you that you would never date, even if you are friends with them.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2013): Thank you for your answers. To those who said I shouldn't tell someone else to ask her out for me, I didn't, it was just that she would innocently ask what she thinks of me. Maybe thats still kid talk but where I live people still do it. Yeah, I figured it out she didn't want me as anything more than a friend. Is there any way out of this?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 March 2013):
In the future, don't ask a friend to ask a girl what she thinks of you. That's something pre-teens do when they are figuring the whole thing out. It's a sign of insecurity, basically. It's the move someone who is in 6th grade might do.
Ask her out. If she says "no" you can move on, and you won't have to pretend to enjoy the banter any more… If she says "yes" you can start to develop the relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2013): I was going to say "time to show her you're not gay" but the sad fact is OP, she's not interested.
OP by gay friend she just meant like a brother, but seeing as you flirt and stuff it's kind of more than brotherly, it's like a gay friend you fool around with but have no interest in whatsoever.
Basically you're in the friend zone OP with no way of getting out.
Life lesson OP, don't befriend girls you want to date, ask them out instead. Don't allow crushes to develop either, as soon as you start having even minor feelings for a girl friend make a move.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 March 2013):
In girl language that means she doesn't think of you as boyfriend material, that she isn't attracted to you as a romantic partner. She likes the friendly stuff but isn't taking your flirting seriously.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (7 March 2013):
That's what you get for having someone ask how she feels about you. Be more confident and women will start looking at you differently. If you're always trying to be "friends" and non-threatening you'll be stuck in the friend zone many more times.
I don't mean to you should start threatening women, but you should be slightly intimidating. It's hard to explain that, I hope you get what I mean.
Don't take her comment personally, it's always easy to get offended when you weren't there to understand the context. The bottom line is she's not interested in being more than friends.
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