A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My Mum’s new boyfriend talks so much BS I can’t tell if he’s just joking around or being deadly serious about it. Anyone who is familiar with the Inbetweeners, he’s basically Jay but in his early fifties. He reckons he’s done so much in his life or can do this and that; he thinks he’s superman in other words.So here’s a few things he reckons he’s done: Worked full time from the age of NINE, played football professionally for teams including Burnley and Crystal Palace, played cricket professionally for Lancashire (and surprise surprise there’s absolutely no record of him playing for any of these teams at any point), played DARTS professionally and once beat legendary player Phil Taylor, in a non-televised match of course but had to quit 10 years ago because he got ‘Thrower Elbow’, he’s worked as a Taxi Driver and managed to earn £20k a week doing it (Yes twenty thousands English pounds PER WEEK, you’ve read this correctly) and survived being stranded at sea for 4 days in a life raft after his fishing boat sunk.As of now he’s recovering from a broken leg after falling over in his garden so is off work on sick pay, but his job is working as part of player security at Manchester United. That IS true. I can actually verify that. What probably isn’t true is that he says he mingles with the players and has dinner with them all the time. Apparently he used to carpool with one of the players when his car died and would get lifts to matches at Old Trafford. Yep, one of the Man Utd players would go out of his way to pick him up in his flash Ferrari. Honestly it’s laughable.There’s loads more I could tell you. No matter what the subject of conversation is, he reckons he’s done it or been involved with it in some way. Any country or place we talk about, he’s been there. Any hobby, he’s done it. Not only has he done it, but he is apparently really good at it. Even something as basic walking, he’s amazing at. We’re meant to walk 10,000 steps a day right? He says he walked 25,000 steps a day before he broke his leg which trust me, if you saw the size of him you’d know wasn’t true at all. He’s a little on the large side and that’s being generous. If he was doing 25,000 steps a day then I’m the Pope.Don’t get me wrong he’s a nice guy and my Mum seems really happy with him but I just don’t get why he talks so much rubbish all the time. I’m not stupid, and neither are the rest of my family. We know when he’s lying and he knows full well when we don’t believe a word he’s telling us. Yet he keeps doing it. Maybe it’s some male pride thing or he just wants to impress us all? Some people may think it’s harmless but it makes me wonder what other, more serious things he lies about? And is he really trustworthy? My mum just seems to laugh it off but me and my sisters are all really wary of him because of this. Does anyone else know a person who lies like this?
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reader, kenny +, writes (26 December 2020):
 He seems harmless enough, some people just want to be the center of attention. If you have done something, he sounds like one of those people who has also done that, but better than you did it.
You Mum seems to be happy with him, by your own admission you say that he is a nice guy, and she seems happy. I'm sure that your Mum is experienced and mature enough to filter out a player, or a liar/cheat.
We have all known people like this, we had a woman at work years ago who used to come out with story's all the time that we all knew where way to fictitious and just no way her story's could have been true. We just used to humour her and just take it all with a pinch of salt, and to this day thinking back some of the far fetched story's still make me chuckle.
Just accept that this is who he is, and take it all with a smile and a pinch of salt.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2020): I agree with what Honeypie said.
He's a compulsive liar. And they are NEVER harmless. They may hurt people without actually wanting to hurt them, but make no mistake, sooner or later they will hurt everyone close to them.
And I'm not only talking about unpleasant situations when he embaresses himself (and you) in front of your friends and family.
I'm talking about the situations where his lies may lead to him or someone else being fired. His lies may lead to him giving someone an STD. You see where I am going with this?
It's not just about putting on a show for his "audience", it's about him not being able to confront the reality of his own life and own his mistakes.
I have no idea why your mother would put up with him. I've been in situations when a dear friend would embarrass himself publicly. It was painful to watch not just for him, but for his partner as well. The person I'm talking about here is my is my childhood friend. I've known him for almost 40 years and I know that he likes helping people and that he has a good heart. But. I couldn't handle him being my partner. As a friend I can turn a blind eye, which is something I would never be able to do as a wife. I know why he lies. I know that it comes from a place of deep helplessness, sense of inadequacy and sadness. But it doesn't change the fact that his outlook on life is not realistic and I'm putting it mildly here.
Another friend, I'm not so close to, is even worse. He lies all the time. He lies in front of people for whom he knows they know the truth. He lied in front of his wife that he had a degree in physics! Not going to a university is a big thing for him, so he lies constantly about it. It is a compulsion and he can't control himself, hence the situations like I've just described. He lied when applying for a job and he was fired a couple of years later because of it.
I have mentioned two men, but compulsive lying is not only afflicting men. My husband's aunt is like this. She lies to attract attention, to make herself seem better, smarter... she even lies about the presents she gives to people that she "bought especially for them". She can go so far as to replace the labels on garments so that they would seem of better quality (I'm allergic ti synthetic fibers). Now, before you start thinking that maybe she doesn't have enough money - she's rich! She even lies about the fact that she got a hefty divorce settlement and an alimony. Her ex-husband left her because... she was constantly lying! She wasn't cheating with another man, but she was lying about anything that can make her look better. She lied to herself about "people not seeing through her". Of course they saw and keep seeing through her. She can maybe sell her spiel to someone she has just met, but to people who actually know her?
I had a friend at school who "told stories". I liked her because she was funny. However, one day she asked my mom for money telling her god knows what behind my back. It was a small town, so we knew that she actually DID live in very poor conditions and had to help her mom with raising her two brothers. My mom took me out to lunch and told me what happened and told me to watch out for that friend. It was as if somebody had lited a veil over my eyes. I was ashamed that I hadn't seen through her sooner. Then my mom went on and said that she did "loan" her the money, but that she didn't tell her that it hadn't been a loan, but a gift. Just because my friend lied and pushed the stories to extreme, it didn't mean that she didn't have real problems, that she wasn't confronted with real suffering. But to her, these problems weren't enough, she had to blow them out of proportion. That's what she did with everything else. She lied to her bf that she got tested for chlamydia and that the test was negative and he believed her. When confronted with the truth she just ignored it and continued to spin some ludicrous stories even after she herself got tested and was positive. The problem was that her bf was a virgin before sleeping with her. So there was no ambiguity there.
Sometimes we just want to believe people we like, because they are funny, charismatic, likable... and it's hard for us to see who they really are. Yes they can be all of it and still be liars. You and you're sisters have a healthy reaction, unfortunately your mom doesn't. I can just hope that he won't do any serious damage before she really sees all sides of his personality.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2020): Hi
Walter Mittie springs to mind.
More often than not, people who do! don't brag!
So long as you are clued up about him, no shocks.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 December 2020):
 I think he is what's called a pathological liar or Compulsive liar. Or, another fancy name for it, mythomaniac.
INFO
"A mythomaniac in psychiatry is someone suffering from mythomania, pseudologia fantastica, or pathological lying. American Psychological Association explained mythomania as a tendency to elaborate, exaggerate, and tell lies, including reports of imagined experiences, often involving self-deception."
He can't help himself. I think someone who has made a habit of lying about EVERYTHING is someone who does it as easily as they breathe air. They see themselves as storytellers NOT liars. Which, is odd as they ARE lying as they claim THEY did all these fantastic things. However, herein probably lies the issue. They don't CARE if it's a lie. If they get acknowledgement and attention (probably even negative attention) they continue to lie and of course the lies can't be mundane, right? They have to be AWESOME! The BEST!TM
Only person I have ever known who lied SO easily was a 7 year old boy. He would lie about anything, even things that wouldn't get him in trouble. He would LIE to LIE. Very odd. And honestly, you couldn't tell a lie from a truth from him. You could tell him, Hey buddy tie your shoes - he would look at you and say I already tied them - even though you could look down and see untied shoe laces.. I mean why?! So I'd say, OK but they are untied now, so tie them before you go outside. And he would say I don't have to because they ARE tied... Just absurd.
I think your mom need to make sure he has no access to her money. And that she consider if this is really a guy for her. Because if he lies about this fantastical things, does he also lie about the "little" things? Such as, does he love her?, does he care? And most importantly, CAN she trust him? (I'd wager a no....)
I bet people call him a "Character"... instead of calling him out. Because he is entertaining, but is he harmless you think?
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