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female
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anonymous
writes: My husband talks to his mother about our problems first and does what she says. He tells her all negative things about me and now i fell she dislikes me. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2006): Toria's great response to you had made me think about something. You definitely need to talk to him and quickly. Hun, I should maybe explain further what I meant by stating in my posting --"He is not thinking of the serious damage he is incurring in your future relationship with your Mother in law"--- What really, really bugs the heck out of me about all this...is that he has been using his Mother as an unbiased sounding board and by doing that he has painted a one-sided portrait t of you, in her eyes and that of other family members, she chooses to tell. (another breach of the sanctity of marriage as far as I'm concerned) Your husband needs to fully understand that long after you and have normalized your relationship (and I hope this happens), his Mother and all the other family members could remain rejecting, critical and even hostile towards you. This certainly will create problems for you and him and any children you have together in the future. Please..tell him the damage that is being done, before it's too late. I wish you well, dear.
A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (4 October 2006):
 My ex was like this and how frustrating it was, it seemed he told her more about how he was feeling than he did me and I felt uncomfortable around her as I knew she knew everything and that she didn't like me for being the one to upset her son, I then went through being worried to talk to him about something that was bothering me because although I wanted him to know I didn't want her knowing eventually I had to say something and make him see what this was doing to our relationship from then on he only told her the good things and when things were good and we had done something or decided things the sort of things most of us tell our mothers.
So I would suggest talking to him before things get any worse and you stop communicating with him at all for fear of this going back to her.
Good luck, hope this helps :o)
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2006): You husband has forgotten his committment, his respect for you and his sense of solidarity to this marriage. Irregardless of marriage troubles, a marriage always comes first, before other family members. No husband should be allowed to go behind his wife's back and talk about her in a bad way, to family members. He is not thinking of the serious damage he is incurring in your future relationship with your Mother in law. He's only thinking of himself. A good husband talks directly to his wife about problems by communicating lovingly and trying to work out a plan. Sit him down and tell him lovingly, firmly sand calmly that you will not tolerate him going to his Mother with personal, marriage problems. This is a boundry and it sounds like your marriage needs this. Never be afraid to set some boundries, hun. Be strong and good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2006): I dont understand why he would only be giving her bad things about you Maybe you should ask your husband this
Why not try some time with just you and her together without your husband Maybe do something that she really enjoys so she can see your taking an interest in her
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