A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello, so I've been talking to this guy (let's call him "Z") I met on facebook for a long time now. We found out after talking nonstop everyday that we are basically twins. We have so many of the same interests and we think the same too. We often talk about our views on the world, love, and people. Over these almost 7 months I've come to care deeply for him. I often say "i love you" to him and he says the same thing back. We're super close as we used to talk on snapchat everyday and skype sometimes. The only thing is he lives in another state and I'm in college in a different state so this is sort of a long distance relationship but I've been adamant about calling him friend. I'm not really sexually attracted to him and he made it seem like this was fine. When I first started talking to Z seriously I was already talking to this other guy we'll call X that I met at a party at school. You can imagine this is super convenient since we go to the same school. We also have similar interests and I was attracted to him sexually and for a time I was obsessed with him. But only because I wanted to be in a "unreciprocated love" relationship. X has a lot of issues that made me feel bad and sort of relate to. His mother was crazy and his family life was not that great. I think in response he closed himself off. Talking to me nonstop when we first met and only hanging out with me late on the weekends. We did some sexual things but he was not very interested in sex. (I feel like he is actually gay but he kept denying he was whenever I asked him)Anyway, I told Z about X and he seemed genuinely intrigued since our relationship was so weird. And he always asked me how it was going to which I replied "fine or whatever" I am not very interested in X anymore since I find him to be really immature and I believe I can do better. Well now it's the summer and Z was talking about coming down and getting a hotel for a week so we could hangout. I was really excited about this since I never met him in person and I always think about how we would be with each other face to face. The only thing is I was hanging out with some friends one night and got really drunk and had sex with a guy that I just met. I can hardly remember the sex but the next day I felt pretty stupid and told Z everything. I asked him if I was a slut and he basically said "do you" I'm pretty sure he was upset about this. After that we got into a weird fight where he kept asking me what he was to me and I told him he was my best friend. I asked him what his problem was and he couldn't tell me. Then he started acting distant and I kept calling him out but he would brush it off. Now he left all social media so I can't talk to him. We used to talk everyday so this is weird for me. I guess I'm going through withdrawal. The only place where I'm trying to contact him on an old google doc that we once shared to write poems together. The last thing he wrote was yesterday that said "this was never happiness" I'm confused and saddened because was this all fake? Did he just want me as a girlfriend the whole time? If he actually cared about me wouldn't he calm down? I mean not to say that the sex was rape but I didn't even remember it... So why does it matter so much to him? He also asked me how many guys I was talking to and I said 5 but it's not like any of them are as serious as him. I kept telling him that he's the most important boy in my life since I thought he was the one that actually cared about me. I don't know what to do... I know this is all my fault since I don't really know what I want but does that mean that I should leave him alone since he feels so strongly for me? Should I give him space or try to contact him some other way?
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best friend, drunk, facebook, immature, long distance Reply to this Question
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (10 June 2015):
 I think it's the opposite. He cares, that's why it bothers him that you had casual sex but didn't remember it. Some would say it's rape if you were too drunk to consent to sex, even if you didn't have the awareness to resist.
If you said I love you to a guy, he's going to think you are more than friends. You were giving him mixed messages but he kept hoping that he would see the situation clearly once he sees you in person. He was upset because he feels you don't care about him as much as he does. If you were serious about a guy, you would be upset too if he friend zoned you and had sex with a random girl. I don't think there's any surprise here how he reacted. I think you should leave him alone. When someone books a hotel for a weekend, it is for intimacy, leading to romance, not just hanging out. I don't think you should contact him because he only wants more. It's hard to stay friends when feelings are involved and it would be hard for him to move on. I know from your experience that few guys want anything real but there are people who want true love.
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