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Why does he say he wants to be friends and then ignore me?

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Question - (15 March 2009) 1 Answers - (Newest, 15 March 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, *ittle lilly writes:

I have to go away on a course through work regularly. I met this guy on the course, in September. After a few too many drinks we ended up in bed together. I really liked him, but he's only 21 and I'm 28, so just thought of it as a bit of fun.

Since we've always got together when we were at the course. One time he brought up the subject of having a relationship. He said he wasn't ready and it would be difficult with us living so far apart. I said that I was fine with that and happy with the way things were. Last time, we got together, but after he started acting strange. I got the impression he wanted to end things, so I text him to ask if that was the case. He said he really wanted to still be friends, but didn't think the sex was a good idea. I told him I was disappointed, but his friendship was what was most important to me.

I've been through a difficult time and have spoken to him about some quite private stuff. I asked him if it was still ok to talk to him about things. He said that he was happy with that. I decided to give it some cooling off time and didn't text him again for 3 weeks. I then sent him a text asking how he was and how his work was going. He didn't reply, that was two weeks ago and he still hasn't replied. I've got to go away on my course again tonight. I'm feeling quite hurt and really not looking forward to seeing him, especially not in front of other people. I'm also scared to go to the evening meal tonight, because I'm worried the only place will be next to him and his mate. They're always together and his mates my age, but he's extremely immature, he started singing womaniser when I walked in last time. Why would he say he wants to still be friends and then ignore me and how do I deal with the whole situation. I'm thinking of not going to the evening meal, but I can't avoid him forever. My closest friends on the course don't even know we were together. If I don't go down to the bar, people are going to think it's strange, because I always do. To be honest I just want to be by myself.

View related questions: immature, text, womaniser

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A female reader, sappygirl United States +, writes (15 March 2009):

sappygirl agony auntUnfortunately he saw you as an Older woman

To have fun with. After the fun for him was

Older he got what he wanted and moved on.

Of course he didn't want to be a complete

Jerk by blowing you off but his action spoke

Loud and clear. He is young and immature.

He prolly wants u as a friend when it's convenient

For him. the best thing to do is learn from this

and move on. Act like u couldn't care less if

He was in or out of your life. Just focus on work.

Don't ignore him or give power to him by thinking

He got you. It'll be hard but that the only way. Best

Of luck

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