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female
,
anonymous
writes: The last few times that i've had sex with my bf,he always pulls out of me so that he doesn't cum inside, but the thing is he knows when im about to cum because i make a few noises, but always seems to put out just as im about to have an orgasm and he knows that. So why does he keep doing it just before im about to cum when he's done his business outside of me for?Is this selfish of him? Also, he only seems to be able to go for about 10 mins if that with me, but i know i can go much longer than that. So why does he stop after he's cum and won't continue after a little while again?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2006): he probably has to cum himself, insituations of my own i had to cum more then once in a short period of time
A
male
reader, tux  +, writes (25 October 2006):
 Before we label this lad a loser, there could be a variety of reasons for this and like a few of the posters mentioned.. you guys need to talk about it.. and problaly go on the pill or use condoms..
What may be happening is that him knowing you are closer to orgasm is making him closer to orgasm and obvious you and him do not want him to cum inside of you so he stops.. You need to ask yourself if you would rather orgasm or have him cum inside of you. But there are ways for him and you to extend his time.. if you are doing strictly missionary, try woman on top for an example. but there are other ways as well. I would recommend a search on premature ejaculation.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2006): Your bf sounds like a real loser. He darn well knows what he's doing to you, and it appears he enjoys seeing how far this whole thing will go. Tell him to get lost and find another lover.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (24 October 2006):
 One more thing. The reason he stops after he comes is because this is how men are built. Once we orgasm our sex drive tends to dissappear and we just want to go to sleep or lie around thinking about nothing in particular. It's just the way men are (mostly anyway, most of the time). So if you want to come, the best time to do this is before he has :)
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A
male
reader, Yos +, writes (24 October 2006):
The best thing you can do is talk to him about this.
You need to be careful with this kind of subject. It sounds like your boyfriend may have a few issues in this area, so be extra careful.
The way to talk about this is to focus on describing your own feelings. Don't accuse him of anything, or talk about him at all, except in the context of how you are feeling. Some examples:
Don't say "You shouldn't pull out of me when I'm close to orgasm"
Instead say "I'm often close to orgasm when you pull out. I'd like it if you could stay inside me. Can we try that?"
Don't say "You are being selfish by not giving me orgasms"
Instead say "Could we try focussing on me having an orgasm? I'd really like that, will you help?"
By not accusing him, you give him the opportunity to react without being defensive. Remember when talking about sex it is very easy to get defensive, so take care and be kind.
Two other things:
- Why is he pulling out? Is it because you aren't using contraception? Pulling out to avoid getting pregnant is REALLY UNRELIABLE. You will end up pregnant soon if this is what you are doing. Make sure you use condoms, or some other contraception. This is really important.
- It sounds like he's going inside you and coming before you are done. What is called 'wham bam thank you maam'. This is obviously unsatisfying for you. What you need to do is to focus more on foreplay: avoid intercourse as long as possible. He should be able to give you one or more orgasms with his fingers or mouth before his penis is even involved. Again, if you want him to do this, tell him how nice it would be for you, don't say it in a way that will make him feel like he is sexually not doing a good job or not making you happy.
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A
female
reader, camille  +, writes (24 October 2006):
 You need to spell it out as he may not know you're close? Him pulling out is better than coming inside you, but just communicate with him, tell him how you feel or ask him to manually bring you to orgasm when he's done. It's only selfish if he knows what he's doing, so talk to him. Maybe he should try stopping a few times before he cums so that it lasts longer. By the way, most men can come quicker than a woman. Why not use contraception so he doesn't have to pull out? I don't know how old you are, but if you're both young, that would answer a lot of the questions.
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