A
female
age
41-50,
*HATandSWEET
writes:HELLO Ladies and Gents,I have a question when you are the mistress why do you catch so much hell. I have been involved with my friend for about two years now and i love him very much and will do anything for him. But this is my problem in the beging he called every hour on the hour to see how i was. I saw him eveyother day and things were good. Now we don't see each other that much maybe every two weeks and the calls have dropped to few. Can anybody tell me what that means. He tells me that he loves me and cares for me very much. And if anyone walks away from this relationship first it would be me. But why all of a suuden has things change?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2008): For whatever it's worth, I was once a mistress for 2 years. Onto my 3rd year, I grew tired of constantly waiting for him to call and realized I also needed a life. I decided to travel overseas and start my life all over. He pursued me, and traveled to where I was at least once every 2 months, and spent a lot of dollars with his overseas calls.
I stayed in the relationship, albeit a long distance one, giving him enough room to decide whether or not to finalize his divorce. He was physically separated from his wife, but his wife one day decided to win him back and they got together for about a week and that devastated me.
I wrote him a goodbye letter and asked him to let me go.
It wasn't a threat or anything, just a matter of fact letter that we needed to move on and decide what we want with our lives.
He visited me again several days after that and decided he will finalize his divorce and make a new life with me. Shortly after, I decided to go home and lived with him another year before we finally got married.
We've been together for 10 years now, he has been a very good husband and father to our 2 kids.
I do not condone getting involved with married men. In fact, if you're not ready to face lonely nights full of heartaches, don't even start. But if you're already in one, think hard of yourself and where you see yourself years from now. There's also a lot of guilt to deal with related to your partner's wife and children.
My experience maybe more of an exception and maybe it happened because my husband saw back then that I was prepared to live a life without him, if I had to. And maybe that's when he tried to understand himself better, if he can really make a room in his life for me.
He has never looked back, not with regret nor guilt.
We all write our own stories. We make our own future.
I hope you will soon find your happiness.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008): Quite simple and logical... YOU ARE THE MISTRESS! You will always come second place to his wife and family.V.C.D.
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A
female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (30 November 2008):
 A friend of mine has been a mistress to an airline pilot for 25 years. She sees him when he is in the country and often gets free flights to meet him in exotic locations but he is never there for Christmas or anything like that as he is always with his family. She says if you don't mind being lonely a lot of the time it is ok. Sometimes she goes for weeks without hearing from him at all.
I think in your situation as with all relationships there is constant texting and phoning when they are new and exciting but over time they follow a more normal pattern. I don't think you need worry no one could constantly keep ringing every hour for ever. He probably now feels comfortable with you so doesn't feel he needs to reaffirm his feelings for you all the time. There are also other issues like work being difficult all sorts of things that might be playing on his mind. Maybe have a chat with him to check all is ok with him generally. If the gap gets longer between you seeing each other and the calls less frequent over a period of the next few months then you may need to face the prospect that he is fading the relationship out and then you need to start looking for someone who can devote more time to just you.
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A
male
reader, TimLSY +, writes (30 November 2008):
He's caught in a limbo. Been there myself. And he's right, you probably will be the one that walks away if anyone does. So be firm and walk away, he'll probably come begging at your feet. (That's what I did). Make yourself unavailable and say you won't settle for anything less than a real committed relationship. Be careful though, don't make it look like you're playing with him that'll just blow things up, everyone will lose their dignities and be bitter. Also don't take him back that easily, things won't change. So you have to play the thin line of playing hard but not too hard. Only you will know how hard you should play. Don't go running back to him in desparation even if he gives up, wait until you feel calm. And you will, if you stay away enough, because you will be the one who took the initiative.I only hope that you actually really do love this guy. My ex and were kind of like you guys, and she did to me exactly what I am describing. I went crawling back to her and went from apologizing, promising, begging, crying, to treating her nice, etc. She came back multiple times only to leave again, and after a few times my dignity was so hurt that I couldn't handle it. Everytime we met became an emotional disaster. In the end she said that actually she already stopped loving me a long time ago and just wanted to see how much I can do for her. But that all my efforts had just made her confused and feel suffocated. And she shut me out of her life completely. But anyway, if you do love him and he loves you, it will probably work out fine for you guys. It will be hard, but hope you guys are happy in the long run.
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A
female
reader, Alone_again +, writes (30 November 2008):
Ohayou.
Its not like hes leaving you maybe his life is hectic at the moment or just needs space.
On the other hand act cool about the situation its reverse psychology. He would think your clingy if you call HIM all the time true? However it works both ways true? There are only two types of guys distant or clingy.
Yours much like you is clingy thats why you noticed when he has'nt been paying much attention to you or trying to get incontact as much. Ask your self why tho? Has anything elss in his behaviour changed? Acting not himself around you? This could be deeper than just a few phone calls. I no Im just a kid but my advice is'nt blinding with false hope.
Atode- Later x
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (30 November 2008):
 when a man gets a mistress it is because he wants the excitement he's not getting from his wife. You probably now have been with him long enough and he needs that exitement of a new relationship ( a mistress) again. Sounds like he's looking elsewhere. Don't make it easy for him anymore. If he truly loved you, he would have left his wife by now. You can get to the stage down the line where you would feel he's two timing you with his wife but in fact it's the other way round. Find someone who is yours alone. My friend has been a mistress for 15 years and got all the promises and affection and attention in the early days, but they still see each other monday thurs and sat, she isnt allowed to come out of that situation ever. dont end up like that. hope this helps.
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