A
male
age
51-59,
*utoflove
writes:I am sorry for the long story I tried to make it as short as possible.I got married in 2000. 2 months before I got married I tried to tell my parents and friends that I do not love this person anymore and she doesn’t respect me like she did when we were dating. They convinced me she was just nervous about the wedding everything will be fine afterwards. We got married! # months after getting married she kept on complaining about me having to go to work early and staying a little late. I opened a Marketing company that did web design and marketing for other companies. Before I got married I used to spend hours in there before and after regular hours just to ease my workload for the next day/week. She knew this when we were dating. As I was limited to stuff I had time to do. The business was doing well. But the fact that in the morning when I got up and got ready for work. I would leave the house while she was still sleeping.(like 8:00am I open at 9) she would open the front door of our house and start yelling at me as I backed out of the driveway. It got to the point where I was trying to be as quiet as a mouse when I did the stuff I needed to do in the morning. Then me getting home late always led to abuse physical and verbal. How I am a loser and no one else who runs a business stays that late to make the business work. She would keep saying she wants me to get a real job. She would call me at work all the time asking my employees to talk to me. When we were talking she would bitch about the night before how I came home late or something she asked me to do I never did. When at home she would ask me to do stuff inside the house like the laundry or dishes. So I tried to …but when I did she would always say I did it wrong this is how she wants me to do it. The physical and verbal abuse was always there. My parents would argue and fight but my mom or my dad never laid a finger on each other. I would never lay a finger on my wife. One time she jumped on my back when I was lying on my stomach and punched my head...with her fists like 20 times then got off and kneed me in the side a few times…because I told her I wasn’t going to fight her tonight. Sex was very minimal pretty much happened whenever she wanted it. She stopped letting me sleep next to her every night. She would disrespect me in front of her family and mine. I lied to her about money problems I had only to avoid conflict which was probably very wrong on my part. I never cheated on her or anything like that at all. All the times I would leave her for a few days not telling any family members what she does. I would end up back there for the kids. We have 3 kids now and I don’t think I can stay with this women. So I separated from her. My family is trying whatever they can to get us back together. We went to a marriage conceller. He tells me it is as much my fault as it is hers. She has problems and she admits them. And I say to everyone I cannot look/talk to her. I can’t believe that we do this to someone we are supposed to love. Everyone is telling me to give her another chance when they don’t know I have so many times already in the last 8 years. So I kind of regret not mentioning all this stuff to people before when it did happen. Now I feel like I have to prove myselfShe doesn’t deny any of the things I said she does to me. And I don’t deny that I have lied to her before and been avoiding her the last 4 years cause I can’t believe I don’t love her. How can I tell people to leave me alone and let me want to be with her again? Instead of them saying look what you are doing to your kids and your life. I can’t stand her one bit. Do I want to be in love? Yes I do but I don’t think I can ever love her again. I don’t think I can give her another chance. I don’t think there is any hope for usThe other day my kid said “it's better that you don’t live at home because when we are with mommy she is nice to us and when she is with you she is always yelling at you and fighting. “I never hit my kids...she does. She yells at the kids and puts them down and makes them feel littleShe was always laughed at in school and she feels she has to belittle everyone else around her to make herself feel better. I am not saying this is something she can’t fix with some help. But I do not want to spend my life with this woman. We have made each other so miserable that I can’t believe we were ever in love. Am I being selfish? Or do I have a right to try and be happy
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2008): Holy crap ...this is exactly what i went through 9 months ago. And i am still feeling the WHOA of all the people who say i should have gave her another chance. In my case though she cheated on me. and that was my way of finally justifying it to myself. Gl to you man...the only hard thing about being in a relationship like that is once you get out...you have to build up your confidence once again. you are doing it for yourself and for the kids. stay strong
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2008): Like the last poster said, this is an unhappy marriage, and marriage is supposed to bring you companionship, someone to share lifes memories, lighten the load, and be a helpmeet for each other. Oops and of course, a deep love for each other. It would've been nice if she would've been patient in the beginning of your business when it's in the critical stages. (I know, I started one in 2006) It was hard to balance business and family life (now I see we Needed more Adult Mature Talks to avoid many arguments...or say things to Prevent a blow out, like apologize Before I didn't get something done at home.) And I wish we would've MADE TIME for each other to get away from it all (dinner out, go somewhere-just the 2 or us) Somehow along the way, I think you and your wife have suppressed many issues, hard feelings, and 'checked-out' on each other. It is very sad. I really think it was right to seperate for your sanity, and the kids. Seperation is not divorce...and it's always best Not to rush into a decision without giving yourself time to clear your mind. Interesting how she is nice when you're out of the house (maybe she's feeling sorry and regretful) But the bottom line is marriage doesn't Have to be this way, and we All deserve to be considerate towards each other. I think you both need to catch your breath, and give each other space. You may feel after some time, you still have feelings for her, but it's O.K. to take it Very Slow. She needs to know things will never go back to the way it was. Also, keep reminding your kids that you love them very much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): My mom treated my dad like this, but he never left her. He stayed faithful.
She finally divorced him after 27 years and took him for everything he had. She left him broken with hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt.
At least you are young enough to start over.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): What she has done is horrible. I try to see it as if the tables were turned, if a man was to treat a woman like this all hell would break loose.
You only one life, you deserve to be happy.
Also think of it for the sake of your children, having parents arguing or their mother becoming physical towards their father is something they don't need to see. If they did, they would be affected in their adult life.
You are in no way selfish. Just make yourself happy and ignore what everyone else thinks. Its you and your kids happiness that matters.
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