A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I told my friend 2 1/2motnhs ago I had feelings for him. He told me it didn't feel the same way. the only reason i told him is cause i thought he did feel the same! coz of the way we became friends cause he asked me out and for my number.We became very good friends never really got into a relationship but would always rely on each other for support etc. about a year ago he told me he was going to change his job, but to another city and asked me what i thought of it...he then told me it would only be for a year or two! well he did move, he moved in april 2007 and then from then onwards we became bit distant..but i was constantly reminded of him, i got job alerts for jobs in the city where he moved to! but i was studying at the time! and no way would i ever move.Two weeks before he moved he texts me at 5.30am asking me how i am. i was bit annoyed at first. he then said that he cant sleep and he tinkin abut the move and his new life. we texted for about half hour. flirtous texting. in fact we flirt constantly..on fone, text online and in person when we do see each other. when we see each other we both look at each just smile and i tink his face lights i know mine does.Then few days befoer he moved we spoke everyday on fone. he reminded me of something we havent spoken about since september. and when we were speakin online about two days before he moved he reminded of that thing again. it is something that is stupid but something we talk...about...somehitn special between us. well then is hiden messages about the thing he told me i would have to wait a few years for that (i took that as in wait for him to come home) and we just got sillyI went on holiday and even there i was reminded of him, he has a religious name and something bizarre happened and it reminded me of him. on my holiday i went to a holy place, and when i got back to the car, i saw his name on a newspaper. his name is part of a city name, but the other half of the city name was ripped so i could only see his name. this might just be a coincidence, i dont know. he also when we first met told me what he wants to name his daughter. its the same name i wana name mine, but i didnt tell him that (the name is very rarely used). there have been other coincidences tooAfter i came back from holiday i found out he moved back home, and we started speakin again. the job alerts had stopped too!! then in nov last year i told i had feelings for him..two days before he moved again! we talked and agreed to be friendsHe said he doesn't want to start a relationship, then if doesn't work out tel me to piss of, cause im a decent girl and he respects me too much for that. but he said who knows in years time, but then said doesn't want to keep my hopes up.After we spoke he sent me a text saying nite nite' and i text him saying nighty. we were going to met the next day (yest) cause he moving today for work, and for other reasons of what we spoke about. he texted me saying that he cant make when he text me yest morn, cause he stil got to pack. he then sent a text saying 'i know u must be tired so wear that nice smile. i start my job on mon, i have to move to *.x' i replied sayin best wishes for ur job if i don't speak to you before mon. he texts sayin 'call me later.' but i didnt call himHe contacted me a week later asking me how i am etc.. then few laters i got a job and i told him and he congratulated me...few laters he texts me (whilst i was at an engagement..and i was thinkin that same day when am i going to get engaged to this guy) asking me how i am!!I have contacted him twice this year but he didnt reply...i know from the start then wen his busy he wont reply!!Okay, maybe he doesn't want anything to do with me i dont know...but since he moved again i getting job alerts from the very same city where he lives now, also alerts from the firm where he works, i constantly see his name, whenver i pissed of with him, sometimes what i see or hear reminds me of him, what does this all mean?About 2 weeks ago my nan went into hospital and last week nearly lost her and i have been emotionally all over the place.. there would have been a time when I would call him and despite him being a bad communicator and I could get him to call me and we would lisen... he has always been here for me when i've been down and upset !!I really want to speak to him, but dont know if its the right thing to to do...he has always been my friend and i know i crossed the line but it was him and has always been him until he moved the first time that tried to encourage us to get into a relationshiphelp meThe question I'm asking you all is about why these weird things keep happening... if you must know from when I posted this questopm and now which has been a space of 15 minutes I got reminded of him again... this has never happened to me abt anyone b4 whether a guy or even a girl...does this all mean something that sum1 is telling me not to let go...coz this is reli hard for me i dont know anymoreIs this all coincidences or is it fate that we are meant to be together
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engaged, flirt, moved in, on holiday, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2008): I used to believe in conincidences being fate, but now that I have been there done that, I don't believe in it at all. You say you have been very emotional as of late due to almost losing a loved one, you are feeling very vulnerable and insecure about life, I can tell.
You are grasping at straws here, you are fabricating a great love where none exists, this boy has told you he does not want a relationship and he doesn't feel the same as you do....listen to him, he is telling you the reality of your situation. He does not live near you, he really can't have a relationship with you as there is not any opportunity for one. I am sure he likes you that is why you hear from him and he listens to you even though you say he is a bad communicator, he has been there for you because you have contacted him first.
I am sorry if this is not what you want to hear, you are just playing some little head games with yourself. Conincidences in life are everywhere if you look for them you will find them and you can create meaning out of them if you want to do so. The idea of coincidences and fate give people a sense of false hope when they are feeling hopeless, which is a very human thing to do, so no you are not crazy or weird for doing that to yourself. I think you would be much happier person, if you did not put this guy on such a pedestal, and got interested in more things and created a fuller life for yourself. You can do this, and you can also go talk to a counselor or a therapist if you are feeling rather depressed about life and love, you may have some deeper issues at play that you would benefit from processing and working through...this is a sign of character if you are willing to get that help and do that sort of inner work for yourself, and it will help you create the life and love you truly want and deserve. Take care.
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