| A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: hello, i just wanted to ask why is it that my family do not want to see me happy, i come form an asian family and all i ever want to do is be happy, however whatever i do that makes me happy is something that makes them sad, for example im 17 and i want to go out with my friends after my college and this means that they will get angry if i do it because they do not want me to be like this...also my brothers and my sister are very strict with me too, i do nto have a relationship with them in which i can tell them how i feel because they end up telling my dad everything and i get in trouble and my brothers and sister are all over 22 years old and i beleive that they should sometimes feel or care about what i ahve to say, but they just want to tell my dad everything and they cannot just let things go.....its really getting upset to a point where i told my dad that i am not happy at home and when i go university i will not come back home because i do not want to be a burden on your shoulders because of the pain and suffering i cause to the family..but my dad replies by saying you can leave and never come back and never come to your family, however i just meant to say it in a nice way because i do not want to cause him suffering, but i would still come to see him.i guess my family do not like the fact that i want to be independent and happy..it hurts because they are also racist i want to get with my girlfriend which is mixed race and they cannot agree to that...i wish things would change =[ ...thank you for listening.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (27 February 2009):
You are a 17 year old young man. It is purely natural that you are going to be pushing for more freedom and your family is going to want to keep you safe as a child. You are their baby and you are still that little boy who looked so cute on his little bike and needed his teddy at night.
Once you go to university then you will have all the freedom you want. Your family is just doing their best to keep you away from the big bad dangerous world out there to prepare you for that.
Just keep telling then you love them and respect them but that you want to see your friends.
As for the racist issue, that you will just have to argue about. Some people are stuck in their ways. Especially the previous generation as Britain has become multi-cultured so fast. My Gran was very very upset when I went out with a Catholic boy, I just had to smile and ignore her knowing that everything was very different when she was my age.
Just keep telling them that you want to make them proud and smile and things will be a lot easier when you move out and get space of your own.
Good Luck!! xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): Wow, sounds like they treat you as property! I know they may be looking out for your best interest at heart but are smothering you it seems. Maybe a little time away will make them see your an adult. Don't tell them that's why your staying away just kind of keep to busy to come home all the time and make your own life, keeping them informed but not in charge! You see your girl and have fun, after all they aren't dating her you are right! If she makes you happy then they should be happy for you. Parents are slow to come around for sure but in the end they may just surprise you :)
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