A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have an ex whom I've been split from for about six months. He's since been off and on with a new girlfriend and I've been single. Here lately a few of his friends have been flirting with me like crazy. One is even married! The married friend started emailing me casually, and I replied thinking he was being just friendly, because all their friends and mine were known for staying in friendship with each other's spouses and I didn't think anything of it at first. After a few days he began saying things that seemed to hint he was trying to descretely get with me. For example, he hunts and offered me the antlers from his latest deer then he said not to tell anyone because they'd want his deer meat, but shortly during the same conversation he started saying to keep all our conversations between us and offered to take me for a ride in his new truck, which I declined. Then he tossed me his cell phone number so that I could text him, and I also declined that telling him I only use my Facebook for chatting with people that aren't family, and that I didn't think that would fly right with his wife. Another one of his friends messaged me on Facebook with "hey beautiful". I've no interest in these guys, my question is more in regards to why them of all people would be flirting with me, knowing that I used to be serious with their friend who I no longer talk to at all. Could it be that my ex bad mouthed me and made me out to be easy to them? Or that he talked me up and now they convinced themselves to bother me? Or maybe he doesn't even know, even though the two friends of his don't talk to each other to my knowledge? What does it sound like to you? Thanks in advanced for reading and replying
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 November 2017):
 OP, don't worry about what stuff your ex-bf might or might not have said. THERE is no way you can "control" that.
While I get that it's not nice knowing that someone MIGHT (or might not) be saying crap behind your back you need to let it run off your back and ignore it. Becuase THAT is the ONLY thing you CAN control - HOW you react.
Who knows maybe he said something NICE about you and they decided:" uh maybe I should try...". You just never know. If you ask them or the ex-bf it won't be hard for any of them to paint you as nutty.
So TRY not to waste your time speculating in "what if" scenarios. It's just not worth it.
Live your life - enjoy life and if you run into a twat or two (like his friends) block them and move on. YOU owe them nothing.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2017): Thank you all for your thoughtful replies. I want to add because it seems to have gone into a different direction than I was needing in some spots. When I dated the ex we all regularly befriended each other's friends etc so that wasn't uncommon for us. It's just these two in particular I didn't get to know during that time. Also, I'm aware I should turn these guys down flat and not feed into whatever game they are playing. I don't much care if I talk to them again and I've no intentions on saying anything I wouldn't want the wife of the one to see. My concern is what kind of stuff my ex might have said that would have made his friends think this is ok considering we were pretty serious at one point not too long ago. I couldn't tell if it was some sort of test, friend betrayal, or insult on my exes part and it kinda hurt my feelings as I wasn't that horrible towards him
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2017): WiseOwlE could be right. Years ago I broke up with a bf I'd been dating for almost a year. I began to get calls from one of his close single friends and one of his married friends. This was before facebook and cell phones. I was young, only 18, and pretty naive. I nicely but firmly told them no and my mind would not be changed. It took me awhile to suspect my ex was testing me in some way. To this day I think he was.
Block them, don't talk to them. Completely sever ties with all his friends.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2017): I meant to say:
"Don't discuss your relationship even with your girlfriends! Let the dust settle and stay mum!"
Sorry! I didn't spellcheck or review my grammar before hitting "send!"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2017): BTW, that's how some guys might test you. They look out for their bros, and substantiate any claims or rumors going around. Usually following a sudden or nasty breakup. So don't share gossip or spread negative-press about your ex. They'll run recognizance for him.
If word is out about either/both of you cheating; they'll find-out which one it was. If your ex has accused you; they'll try their luck.
Play your cards close to your chest. Don't even discuss your relationship even with your girlfriends. Let the dust settle and stat mum!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2017): You can't be so naive. Married-men aren't "just friendly" with the single ex-girlfriends of their buddies. How would his wife approve of his personal one-on-one contact? How under any circumstance is that appropriate? The giveaway is being asked to keep it between you! Please!
Honestly, suspicion should have been the first thing to cross your mind. Then again, sometimes suspicion arises faster against the boyfriend, than his friends.
When a guy has a lot of male buddies eager to make contact with you after the breakup, the first suspicion is that it must be open-season. If you hang in social circles as you you claim, you're not new to this. Even teenage-girls know when there's something fishy about her ex's buddies suddenly making unsolicited contact. If they didn't before, why now? Come on!
Simple solution. Indicate in a brief comment: "Not interested!" Send by text, post it on Facebook, or in a caption under your profile pic on Instagram!
You don't have to answer any calls or messages that you don't want to. Or you can simply block and delete them as you receive them.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 November 2017):
Who knows? OP
There is no real way of knowing WHY they started "open flirting season" on you. It could VERY well be that you ex-bf have said things but it can also just be that this is how they act. Maybe they think OH she is still single after 6 months maybe she is desperate for some NSA sex. Again... Impossible to know.
What I would do, is either BLOCK the married guy (if you no longer are a part of that social circle) or just take FOREVER to reply and don't get into ANY flirty stuff. (if you are still in the same friend's circle). the fact that he wants to keep your conversation between just the two of you... should be a BIG fat hint at him being inappropriate. If he was JUST being friendly he wouldn't want to hide it, would he?
There are people who will approach exes of their friends as a dating pool or in hopes to get a little "action" Beats having to get to know a new woman or chat someone up, right?
My advice? IGNORE them. And if they are people you don't really have contact with outside of FB, block them and move on. No need to keep them as "friends".
YOU spending time trying to guess their motives is a waste of time. Instead, decide if their actions are welcome or not.
Don't waste your time on people who might be looking to play games.
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