A
female
age
30-35,
*li 123
writes:i got myself into a relationship when i was 17, i am now 20 and im still not over this. It is only the last month i ended it for good.it has been a rollicoaster of emotions from day one. the boy i fell for was not your average guy. He was known to be the cocky, arrogant class clown that most people disliked. He was cruel at times, chauvenist, and i believe had some form of mental health issues. Despite all this i was very drawn to him, even though people warned me off. i ended up so in love with him despite all the other horrible things he put me through and i do genuinly beleive that we have a special connection.Why do I love someone who treats me so badly? and why do i feel so connected to him even though he is so different to me? i ended our relationship a month ago because i couldnt bear to go through so much again. i started to date a new guy. He is attractive, kind and loyal but i cant be happy!! why dont i like normal men? i cant find that click with anyone else! please help im scared he was the only one for me! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2010): It can become a psychological addiction. The unhealthy drama-filled relationship. The more time you spend in them, the more times you get into them again, the deeper the groove is made in you and the harder it is to get out.
You need to choose nicer guys. "Choose" is what you are doing, its not just who makes a pass at you. Becuase that is a choice too. If you just go with who makes a pass at you then you are choosing men who make lots of passes.
If you try to swing the other direction and date too much of a "nice guy" you will probably get bored and swing back fast. What you need to do is try to move towards guys who are more in the middle. Guys who aren't as unhealthy for you as you have been with before.
A
female
reader, ali 123 +, writes (20 September 2010):
ali 123 is verified as being by the original poster of the question thankyou for your answers.i do beleive you are right about the bad boy thing,but im scared because i dont want to end up miserable.i was so different when we were together its almost like a different me:i was always scared (scared hes keeping something from me etc),overshadowed by him,i lost alot of weight and was always ill.so from all this i know he is not good news.My mum says she sees things in him that are like my dad (who is also not a nice man and they are divirced).i just dont know if there is something wrong with me or not!!??i am always looking for someone to be that one who is right for me,and it never happens.i dont seem to have a that click with my new date,nobody seems to get me.i no im only 20,and i dont have trouble attracting male attention,but i have never felt that spark with anyone else.im ALWAYS on the lookout fo soemone.im beggining to beleive i will never recover from all this and will always be in this mind frame!? please el completely honest am i mad?do i need help?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2010): You are at your most reproductive age. Nature wants you to have sex with men who have the best genetics right now. That means good looking alpha-male jerks. Nature does not care whether these men make you happy or not.
In a few years you will be past your absolute peak fertility so nature will have you "grow out of it" and start preferring more domestic men who make good fathers for the kids that you have from the alphas.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2010): One of my friends is like that, and now everyone talks bad about her. If i were you i would try to make some new girlfriends people you can talk to about these things, maybe they will change your perspective on how you think and you will realise how great it is to be with a good guy and how badly it would end with a guy like him. I fell for the same guy my friend did but she was dating him when he was doing things with me, and i feel really bad for cheating, but it was hard at first to get over him, just let yourself listen to all the bad things your friends say about him, eventually you will believe it yourself so its easier to get over him no matter how many more lies he tells to try and sweep you away again
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (20 September 2010):
 Women tend to be drawn to men who appear as though they need help. You said you thought he had mental health issues. It's your maternal instinct kicking in (and it's said that every girl likes a bad boy!)
The truth is that you can't change someone, they have to change for themselves. My ex was always very closed off towards me, and although i did my best to help him out as often as i could, with money, food, petrol etc, he never really treated me the way i should have been treated. Eventually i ended it, and all of a sudden he realised what he had been doing and he was so apologetic.
Now, i didn't expect miracles, and it happened, so you never know, he may have a complete overhaul and realise, but for now, at least you are away from someone who you know isn't treating you how you should. Your new man sounds wonderful.....wish i had one....
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