A
male
age
51-59,
*ansmadar
writes:my girlfriend of four years broke up with me. she is an english teacher and she got 2 master degree, 1 in english n 1 in writing. she is asian which came over to this country more than 30 years ago, she always have great family support. when she was a child, she always have bad temper and if things dot go her way, she always throw a fit( according to her) also, her mom always disapprove what she and her sibbling, so then when she grew up, she went and moved in this guy that drinks and always make her feels small ( she said that she always waked on eggshell) she told me time and time over that she hated her mom and she never wanted to be like her mom.i worked in a restaurant as a manager, i also serve food too, cuz money is better as a sever. i had been doing it for a while, even before i met her.since she always go to school and she also is an english teacher here, education is always important to her. also, i have an ex-wife that through out marriage, she sucks me dried, stole money from me, cheat on me, i stayed with her cuz we have 2 great kids, finally had enough, i quit. then come this gal i fall in love with. problem strarted to com cuz one time i went to my ex-wife to take the kids for things, one thing let to aother, she was arguing w/me, she was drunk then n she hit me a few times,i didnt fight back cuz the kids r in the house, if i did, then police will come then both will go to jail n kids will have to go with the cps, cant lt that happened, few days later, went to see gf, she saw my blacked eyye, started crying, from then on, she had a huge prob w/my ex, that lead to she doesnt want to be around my kids too ( btw, she never have kids and we both r in late 30s). she always afraid that she will become her mom, so she cant bare the thought to hv kids. than prob started to come, she afraid of being hurt at first n then she stared to want to break up with me, talked to her n make her realize that i m not there to hurt her, then a couple of years gone by, in between she wanted to distance herself from me for afew times, taklked about it, then she told me that i need to remind her of al he good things i i have, we had lots of fun together, we both love to tryu new food, we can just about go anywhere to try new food, we take trips together, when it comes to her family ( she has a very big family), her sis birthday, i will go and get the best meat i can find and do a bbq at home with her as a host, her brother b-day, i will make sure to get him a gift card snce she think that her brother is old enough n not responsible ( he is 22 now, always go to school ) , when she has family gathering, i always go with her, even though there r lots of people i dont know, it is kinda uncomfortable in some situation, but i always tell myself that i need to be there to support her. she love to be really clean, she tld me i need to clean n wipe everything down every time i m finish, from the faucet to food back in the fridge, i follow to the very details, we go to places to meet with her family, i am always curtious, most of her families loveme cuz i am always very nice around them, (even she told me herself that her mom loves me, and her sibling likes me enough, even her uncle n aunts loveme).she has the problem of if little things dot go her way, she then will throw a fit.after more than two years, she moved to a nice house, i helped her move stuff there, after everything moved in, over the weekend, she turn cld again ( around her period) she then tld meagain, " i m not happy, " we then again talked, things are ok again. again she said thank you for talking to me, i feel much better, one thing lead to another, she asked if i would klike to move in with her, i said yea, more than that, she asked if i want to marry to her? i said yes. than we plan a wedding, also in the mean time, she said since we r living together and the property valuse hasbeed dropping like crazy, y not go get a house? so, suddenly we r getting marry n getting a house. at the same time, i tld her that i dont have that kind of money to put a down payment for a brand new house, (during my marriage, my ex-wife stole from me, cheats on me and suck me dry, she even left me bills to take care of, i moved away from the house cuz i worked long hours and many days so i gave up full times custody to their mother, thought they can stay in the house through out elementary school). so i cant have the money enough for the down paymet. she saiod she has some saving that can use plus the goverment is gonna reimburse up to 8500 back for the tax break, so pretty much she got the whole amount back for the down payment , also we have to buy blinds, fridge, since it uis a brand new house, lots of things to get. but she insist that she has the money n it will be ok, i agree, then since the houseis being build and planning a wedding that she wsas gonna have over 200 peopple attend n i got about 20 people to attend, so, that is gonna cost lots of money, again, she changed her mind, she said " dont want to get marry no more, ( btw, she has always been wishy washy, all through her life way before me, according to her) so again she told me m not happy, cuz i dont seems to be motivated enough for her, my job is not good enough for her. then, we talked n she feels much better n things r fine for a while. then we moved to the new house, she told me that since i hv to drive far to work n always working ( i drive 45 miles ea way to n from work, i worked 10 hours days) so i should just give her half of the mortage , then just help out with fod, i agree. gas cost me about 12 each day, plus on the wknd we go out to eat, i pay as often as possible. now another problem come, she i am not financial secure, financial is a big problem, then after we lived in the new house for 8 mos, she called it wuit. i was all broken up, always tried to txt her for the first 2 weeks we broke up, aftrer 2 weeks, i sow down to nothing that i tried to contact her, out in the blue, she suddenly txt me and told me she missed me, then she txt me on wht she has been doing, let me kno what goinf on n told me she miss n care abiout me, one thing klead to another, we had lunch one day, then we talked then i moved back in.when we talked about moving back in, i asked her about is financial the biggest problem we have, she said yes, so i told her each month on/sbefore the fifth, i will give her the money for half of the whole house, i dont want her to say that i take advantage of her, i work in a restaurant, the economy had been bad n business sow down quite a bit, but i kept up my bargain 3 mos straight, after i moved back in the second month, she is going through that again, m not happy, i told her that we need to better communicate, than things r ok again. now the end of 3rd month, just about a week before her period, shje said that sheis not happy, we are done, talked to her, she said she had been fighting it for a long time, she felt quilty thats y she asked me back, she said shelet me drag in for so long, she doesnt want to do it no more, she felt sorry for me thats y she saty with me.through out this few months, well, through the relationship, i have been improving, i clean the way she asked me too, always put her first, clean house the way she wants, she is a school teacher, she need to get up early in the morning, get home sometimes really late, so every orning i get up, what ever dishes left over nite, i always cean them, we dont use the dish washer cuz just the two of us, plus i eat at work 2 meals a day, sometime i will come hom to have some food, but maybe 3 nite a week. now the reason of break up is, i am not intellectual enough to stimulate her nmind, my english esp my grsmmar is really bad. ( well, i am asian too and english is not my first language) and i am not financially secure, she asked us to go open an account together,she got some money back from escrow, she said that she will use that for us to start the account, i told her that its suppose to be her money, i dont want it, she insist, she told me just to make sure i will put the money in the account as i agree, i tole her yes, after a week, problem come, she said that the account is giving her headache, she got paid around the 24th each month, i got pay by the ebd of month, so she had been scheduling all the bill to paid around her pay day, she saisd that " i wish u have a different pay day" . well one thing lead to another again, she keep on telling me that my education level is just not good enough, and the progress is just not fast enough for her, i m not movitated enough ( i read at work when i got time, on the wknd we always have plan, cuz thats the only time we get to spend and have fun together) we had been busyy each wknd since we get back together, huiking for a wknd, out of town the nxt, volunteer for the next week, after 3 weeks straight have plan out the house, one nite after i got off work came home, i play a game on nmy fone, then turned on the comp to watch video on it, then she said that i just dont spenmd time on reading, to improve myself, i had been waking up earkly in the morning so i get to spend some time with her in the morning before she goes to work, after breakfast, she will go clean her teeth then i will take her stuff to car an warm up the car for her, i read a bunch of book about relationship ( about 7 books) some of them said if u want u relationship to work, do at least one thing nice to u partner each day,so she said i dont keep things clean enough, i did to the way she likes, she said i dont take care of myself, everyday i get out of the house, always make sure i brush my hair n alwyas make sure i look nice, i had been around the same weight for the last 10 years, she said that i smoke is not good she hated it, i quit for about few months, then e broke up, went back to it , but i never smoke around her, i will even make sure i dont smell around her with the after smell too. she said financially we r nit eve, i paid her half n on or even before the date i promise, when her family have bday, always do more than any of her fam, clean up and make sure everyone had a good time, school ( i took up schooling, but economy down turn, lot of stress from her, and car give me some prob, financial is a problem plus all the worries n stress about her plus have to make sure all bills got to pay, plus work plus being tired, but mainly is relationship part that mess me up the worst. she doesnt want my kids around, i dont have them w/us.thing is, i love her, when she smile, my heart warms up, i can pick her out from a crowd anyu given time, cant wait to go home where she is, have fun just to do anything, and omg, the sex is great. just looking at her, my heart start pounding.the question is why do i still want to be with her even though she puts me down, (lots of people around me told me my english is not bad at all, but i have problem believing it now), how comw i keep on try to find out what did i do wrong? how come i still think that i just have not done enough and i keep on blaming myself that i cause this relationship to fail?????
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at work, broke up, drunk, ex-wife, get back together, money, moved in, my ex, period, puts me down, wedding Reply to this Question
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male
reader, hansmadar +, writes (13 October 2010):
hansmadar is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwe are done, we still talked but i am so drained from all these. i still love her and still want to be with her, why do i still want her?
A
male
reader, hansmadar +, writes (12 October 2010):
hansmadar is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes, i understand that, all other areas of my life, comes friends and family, i dont let them treat me like this, why do i let her n more importantly why do i still want her?
she is so beautiful to me, not just looks, (well, lots of my friendds n families dont think the way i do) when she is warm, the best feeling on earth fr me, we can be so goofy between us, we can do just about ayuthing ( well, most things she want to do, i m very open to anything, i will try at lesast once) plus i have many people told me that i m a good looking person, but i never (even have chances present to me) cheated nor do i even think.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): Why do you still want to be with her even though she puts you down, you ask? This is something you have to figure out yourself. But I can tell you that putting someone down is not loving them. Do you want to be with someone who puts you down? Remember to always love yourself and not accept treatment like this from anyone even when you feel you love them so much. You will never have the answer as to what you did wrong because no answer you get will be sufficient. It really sounds like there's no pleasing your ex so why even try at this point. When a person doesn't want to be with you anymore, as hard as it can be, you have to let it go and move on. You alone cannot hold a relationship together. It takes two people. Don't waste any more time trying to figure out what you did wrong in this relationship.
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