A
female
 ,
*eratuki
writes:Hello...I've been with my fiancee for over a year now, We have a wonderful relationship, but money is a huge topic for us, and we always end up fighting about it.I have Cerebral Palsy and am on Supplemental Security Income. This pays half the rent, the cable bill, the food, and the electric bill all winter. He is working in a school as an aide right now, which I admit doesn't pay much, so I try to make some extra money working for my mom doing busy work at least once or twice a week to help make ends meet. I give him money to put into the bank account when I have it, but I have no access to it after that. I understand about wanting subtantial savings as a fall back if something happens job wise, but whenever I ask for something at the store, I get..."We're just making ends meet, we don't really need that, do we?" or something along those lines.I don't ask for much more than a 20$ hamster, which after that purchase, becomes entirely my resposibility to care for.He buys things, they may be small things like books and such, but I make no comment on it, as I could really care less.Why should I get the third degree when I want something while he doesn't have to answer for what he purchases?The way I figure it is, sure, saving is good, but there's always a bill due, so why is it wrong to splurge on something every now and then?
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male
reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (19 January 2006):
 You definately need ACCESS to your contributions for emergency purposes and everything else. Just because you have CP doesn't give him the right to be controlling in finances or anything else. I guess if he doesn't understand that then, you can deposit and spend your part how you see fit without his approval. If your accountable then he's accountable. I would buy the hamster anyway without his permission just to prove your point. I would also name the hamster MONEY, so every time you call the hamsters name he and you will know why.
Good luck hun.
Ed
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2006): I concur with the poster above. You have to straighten this out now, before everything becomes too suspicious - even if he isn't supposedly like that. You should have access to your funds, even if he doesn't trust you in your shopping sprees... Joking... 8] Yes, shared access at the very least!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (18 January 2006):
 All I can say here is that you had better get this straightened out and both of you be in total agreement as to the finances BEFORE you go ahead and get married. Other than kids, money is the biggest reason married couple fight and end up divorcing. Sit down with each other and reach an agreement.
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