A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a guy for a month and a half. Having had not so great ex's (2 in total) in the past, I wanted to be careful about the next guy I chose to be with. I'm still a virgin, but I've had oral sex (I could classify as a technical virgin or whatnot). The first time I had oral sex I waited over a year with my ex and even then it didn't feel right. Last night, I stayed over at my boyfriend's house and we had oral sex (I did it for him). It felt right to me at the time, but after it I felt terrible.. I always feel guilty about being intimate, I hate this feeling.. I feel like I may have done it too soon and he will feel differently about me... I know he cares about me (even after 6 weeks and a handful of bad past relationships, I can finally tell when a man genuinely cares for me) but I'm scared. On our 4th date he asked me for oral and I told him I wasn't ready and he said he respected that. 5th date his pants came off again and once again I said no and wanted to wait until we were a bit more serious (I was thinking 3+ months) and again he apologized and said I respect you for that, I really do, I'm sorry I don't mean to pressure you I'm not that type of guy. Now on our 7th date I gave in and did it...but now wish I had waited because I'm scared he will think of me differently? Is this irrational thinking or am I justified for thinking this..? :(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2011): Oh honey, I'm so sorry. *hugs hugs hugs*you probably feel bad because you did it from being pressured into it, not because you genuinely felt ready. Oh, I know he said "I'm sorry, I don't want to pressure you" or whatever other bullshit, but the bottom line is that you told him you weren't ready and he kept taking out his ficking dick anyways. And you yourself described it as "giving in". Listen to what he doesn, not what he says. He's obviously too interested in sexual pleaseure and thinks that's the eventual purpose of your dates. Dump him, move on, and be with a guy who actually respects you. When you're doing it for fun, it feels good. When you're doing it because you feel pressured, or think that you "should" or that it proves something, you're going to feel like shit after. One other thing- you've been together 6 weeks? He "genuinely" cares about you about as much as he genuinely cares about your dog. He doesn't want to hurt you, but he doesn't care that much about you either. You haven't been together long enough for that.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2011): If a girl blew me that fast I honestly wouldn't think very much of her afterwards. But I wouldn't allow it to begin with. I prefer my women to have a little more poise. But that's just me.
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A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (1 September 2011):
 I think the reason why you feel terrible after giving oral is because you caved in your standards. You had in your mind that you were going to wait at least 3 months before proceeding to that state of the relationship.
Unfortunately from the sounds of it, your boyfriend pressured you into performing on him. While he isn't entirely to blame, I think he did pressure you and didn't respect your wishes. I am not sure what the circumstances were, but I suspect you did it out of coercion rather than love.
It remains to be seen whether this guy is "the one" as you haven't had enough time to establish that sort of bond. You still have the right to say no at this point and I hope you take your time and take a good hard look at what made you lose your standards.
Best wishes....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2011): "but now wish I had waited because I'm scared he will think of me differently?"This is rational thinking. Your fear is real, and understandable.If he thinks of you differently, this is his issue, not yours.Many women find that their new guy thinks of them differently, as if they are less somehow, after they get sex in some fashion. But, this does not happen in a truly considerate relationship between people who consider each other equals.Now, if you feel worse about yourself because of a sexual relationship, that is your issue, and stems from what you think of yourself and sex.If he treats you worse or as less, then that is his issue.My wife and I knew each other a month or so before I dated her, had hiked and had class together. I really liked her a lot, and she really liked me a lot. We slept together on the first date, slept and had sex as well, mutually agreeable idea as neither of us wanted that date to ever end it was so good, which I had never before done. I moved in with her two days later, we've been together for 20 years.She felt ashamed of it the day after it happened. She felt she "shouldn't have done that", but she didn't tell me till many years later. She came to love me over a couple of weeks and months, and says today she simply could not believe it was true, that this was really happening to her. But, she even today feels a bit of shame around sleeping with me on the first date.I felt no shame about it, never have, and I didn't view her with anything other than tremendous affection, and never have, I love her like crazy.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (1 September 2011):
 i suppose all you can do is wait, stick with this and watch how he treats you from now on. maybe he was just after one thing or maybe he is a genuine guy. all you can do is get to know him better and he will show you what sort of person he is. i think 7 dates is not too bad. but the only one who can tell you if he thinks differently about you now is him
x
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