A
female
age
36-40,
*inktopaz
writes:Ok, so maybe this is more so of a venting session than a question. Why do I attract PSYCHOS???!!!They always have a problem or a chip on their shoulder, they like to act like they're a "victim" when they have serious issues! They lie constantly about dumb things. They are hurtful for no reason. It seems like they want someone to manipulate and when they see they can't manipulate me they retort by being hurtful. And when I say psycho, I don't mean to be insensitive, but one of them even told me they were bipolar. But I didn't want to be judgemental and thought he had it under control. Although I know I shouldn't care and I, in a way don't, my feelings are still hurt! I'm attractive, I'm smart, funny, and have a pretty good head on my shoulders. Are there normal guys? Do I somehow attract people without intentionally knowing it? I'm frustrated that it happens and I feel it's partially my fault. I just feel stupid for not seeing it sooner. I'm in a total funk! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (1 July 2009):
pinktopaz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh jeez, I'm over it now. I'm just baffled!
Dr. Psych, thanks for the insight. Sometimes I feel like I'm insensitive, and once I actually go back to school, I plan on majoring in psychology. So after this relationship with the biopolar guy I was thinking that I wouldn't be able to handle being a psychology major. But actually it just interests me more and want to understand more. I just wish I had read some blogs people posted about their past relationships with someone with bipolar disorder. The lies, the whole "Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde" thing, and the whole "pity me" stories and how everything somehow ended up my fault just about drove ME crazy. If I knew it to a better extent, I think I would have ran for my life the other way or understood better to not get actually hurt by it.
So just for future reference, I'm sticking with mentally stable and mature men, who don't need to be fixed! Perhaps I considered them a little "project" and didn't realize it. That I could be the person that "helps" them. You're right, they can only help themselves.
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (1 July 2009):
 When I was in University and afterwards I met my fair share of strange folk...it comes with the higher-education territory I guess! You have my sympathy. Old age has now set in and I am less receptive to taking on board charity cases and their problems. In my 20's I used to 'adopt' people (usually male) 'in need' with their multiple problems that needed fixing (in hindsight, problems that were often self-constructed to attract attention). I used to listen to their problems, come up with solutions, try to help...and end up frustrated when these people made the same mistakes over and over again. Having now trained as a psychologist, I realise you can only help people who want to be helped and moreover, some people are so needy they keep coming back time and time again with their little problems (which they could solve themselves) because they like the attention it attracts. My advice to you is to try not to get too cynical about who you have met. Identify the traits of those people and use that life experience to avoid them in the future. The second thing you can do is look at yourself and what you have brought to those relationships. You maybe the natural social-worker type (like me!) who is tending to want to help vulnerable people and attracting victims - you have to learn where the brake pedal is on the length and extent you give help, and to hold back your own emotions towards these people until they have earned it. Easier said that done, but you have to learn some self-protection - it gets easier with age I have to say!
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A
male
reader, ALONSO80  +, writes (1 July 2009):
The same thing happens to me! I keep meeting girls who introduce themselves a certain way and then end up doing the opposite. I've met girls who claim to be "honest" and they end up being cheats, end up being even as pot smokers!
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