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male
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anonymous
writes: For some reason after everytime I see my girlfriend when I return home I have to let off steam and talk to parents about her. The thing is most of the stuff I say is not neccesary but other things are. I think I have gotten into habbit but there are certain things that she says to me on a night and I have to tell parents about it.I don't know why I'm doing it. I think im unhappy about somthing but can a boring stuck in a rut relationship make me do this?We are going on holiday in a few weeks and I really need to sort this out.Please help thanks.
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female
reader, stina  +, writes (21 May 2007):
 Hi Anonymous,
I think instead of telling your parents what has been going on, you need to talk to your girlfriend. You probably keep having to let off steam because your girlfriend doesn't really understand that she's doing anything wrong. And if she does, then maybe she isn't taking it seriously (which is something that should also be brought up).
It seems like you have a very close relationship with your parents if you can just talk about your relationship with them. If this is the case, then that probably means that they would support you no matter what. So when you are upset, they are most likely going to "back you up" and say things that you want to hear, which will only make you want to go back and tell them more. At least that's how I see it without knowing more details.
Like I said, I think it would be in your best interest and in the best interest of the relationship if you were to tell your girlfriend that you two need to have a serious talk. If she's unwilling to respect you and stop saying "certain things," then I think it's time to reevaluate your relationship.
But keep in mind that she may say "certain things" because she is unhappy in the relationship, as well. Offer to let her tell you what is on her mind, too. And remember that the discussion you two will have is not meant to personally attack one another (which I'm sure you know), but it's meant to make the relationship stronger and maintain open communication with one another. If she says something that you take offense to, think about it first without acting defensive or angry. I suggest asking more questions. Why does [insert problem she has] make her feel the way she does? And what can be done to fix it? Also make sur that your points are communicated to her just as well. Without something as important as good communication, the foundation of a relationship will crumble.
Take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't think I can be myself around her because she studies my behaviour. She thinks im going off her if im quiet and I'm a quiet person anyway. I feel I have to put on an act a lot.
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (21 May 2007):
 It's all about degree of comfort. If you feel comfortable around your parents, it's natural to want to blow off steam with them. There may be a degree of discomfort in being open with your girlfriend. Try and figure out if you're uncomfortable being open with your girlfriend. If you can't be yourself around her, then you need to decide what to do about that...
DV1
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A
male
reader, Thomas17  +, writes (21 May 2007):
 are you upset about telling your parents without stoppng yourself or are you upset about your girlfriend? i dont understand your question sorry.
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