A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey all. Since the age of 15 I've always always had a boyfriend. I've only ever split up with one if there's another one that I like waiting, as I feel panicky when I'm single. Sometimes I get hurt, but as I'm fairly nice looking (I know how that sounds) I don't find it hard to find another within a week or so.I've recently split with my boyfriend of 3 and a half years. I loved him a lot, but I'd say for not even half the time we were together for. I stayed with him for comfort, and in the end decided it was time to be single.That week I met someone else and started a relationship. He was controlling, big headed and totally not right for me. yet I stayed with him. Until last night, I found out he may have cheated on me and that was the last straw. Lonely or not lonely, I didn't want to be taken for a mug. Now I'm single, with no man in the wings, and I feel so very empty and alone, despite my friends and family.Some say it is because I am missing a father figure in my life, others say I'm sad. I really would like to hear youe thoughts and anyone who feels similar.
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female
reader, iscrca  +, writes (9 March 2012):
I know how you feel because I feel the same way. I think it's because a man defines who we are. They make us feel happy for awhile but most of the men we meet are controlling, or insecure themselves. We also don't like ourselves and we need to find out who we are. We can have fun on our own. It's nice to have a man but if he is going to treat us bad it's better to be alone. I hope this helps.
A
male
reader, sometimes ( Iwish)  +, writes (21 March 2009):
 I would like to suggest something here!
This doesn't have to be advice or anything. But I see an opportunity to open up in life, and discover who you really are becoming. This might be a chance to let go of any preconception you have delevoped since you were fifteen years old. See this as a door that has opened, and now you can put your best stride though it.
It appears by what you have writen is that you "feel panicky" when you're single.
This is because you have emotions that have been created sometime before that left you feeling unbalanced, and possibly unstable.
You wrote you stayed with a person for comfort which is great as long as you don't feel guity about it. You may not be getting what you want from relationships because you might be unsure of how to find the criteria you want.
You cannot ask for wants and needs from others until you are steady about what you're looking for. There is a great things about life. You have time to find what your looking for. Ultimately, happiness comes from within, and the road to find out this concept develops fantastic confidence.
Confidence is the ultimate attractant in life. You unknowingly show your strenghts which attracts interest in your mind, and interesting relationships all around you. This is the truest way to find what you are actually seeking from life.
With no man in the wings; this is your opportunity to motivate change.
"THE SWEETEST REWARDS IN LIFE ARE FROM THE THE GREATEST RISKS EVER TAKEN." (quoted A.Einstein) - (Corny but true)
Take the path less travelled nowadays, and don't look back. Show people who you are, and what you want.
That with bring the right fit into your life.
Find your own happiness first - Never go half way when you leap.
Regards
PS - Conrolling people are shy, and scared....very unconfident and unattractive
PSS - I can relate to this because I have been on the road to find out, and have discovered many things. HAVE FUN
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009): Well you're asking now for other people to tell you what your problem is. But that itself is your problem, do you get what I mean?
You like being in relationships all the time, and have recently chosen a man who is disrespectful to you, because you don't like having to make your own decisions. It's easier to let someone else do it for you. Then, when that gets too much, you can go to someone else. Maybe you need validation. Maybe you never grew up and still need to be guided and parented, and you've gone looking for that in your relationships. Maybe you have low self esteem and like the safety of having someone. Maybe you don't know yourself well enough and need to be defined by being part of a couple. Maybe the idea of doing things alone is scary to you.
But who knows? You are here on this board asking for advice, which is great because you have recognized the problem. But we cannot solve the problem for you. You need some quiet time to yourself, to figure out what is troubling you. You need to define yourself outside of a relationship before you get involved again. Think about what YOU want, what YOU are like, what YOUR strengths are. And then, when you have fortified yourself and know what you are about, you can offer so, so much more in your next relationship and hopefully attract people who treat you well!
Good Luck!!
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