A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm going to apologize for wasting your time now....I'm sorryOk, Just as the title says. I really, really, really, really like this girl, so much so, that it's reached the point of love (for me at least). I'm 17, she's 16. Now, I know what you're thinking: "You're both too young; neither of you have any idea what love is. You're just experiencing a strong attraction to her". To those of you who think this, I say this with the utmost respect...you're wrong. You see, never in my life have I had a girlfriend, nor a girl who was a close friend , due to my being so painfully shy around them, thinking that they wouldn't like me, and simple uninterest. But, around November, I met this girl on MySpace who interested me so much that she managed to make me step out of my comfort zone and actually want to message her. (Yes, I'm so shy that even MESSAGING a girl over MySpace is a nerve racking experience that makes my stomach drop). Don't worry though, We've SEEN eachother at school several times prior to talking on MySpace, so it's not a sort of stalker situation, if that's what you were thinking. Anyway... we started talking, and it seemed like she liked me; she thought I was cute, we started seeing eachother at school, we started talking and texting over our phones, she would sometimes give stronger hints of liking me (like playfully hanging on my arm as I walked her to class)and other things of that sort.However, recently, it's been feeling as if we're moving backwards. First of all, she started to diliberatley avoid and ignore me at school. I know so because instead of coming to where I usually wait for her after lunch to walk her to class, she would just walk by as if I wasn't even there. I would try to get her attention and stop her when she started doing this; she WOULD stop and let me walk her to class, but seemed as if she didn't want to, that she was doing it beacause she felt she HAD to. And of the many times she's walked past me, I've only done that about 3 or 4 times; I didn't want to do it everyday and get annoying. Eventually she stopped coming altogether, yet I waited for there everyday. To this day, i still do, even after she told me that she didn't want me walking her to class anymore when I asked why she stopped coming by (I just don't get it though, at first she would actually WANT me to. Hell she would come looking for me if I didn't wait for her)Secondly, Our conversations over the phone haven't been going well either. When We first started,they went so well and we had SO much to talk about; so much so that we would talk hours at a time, and when I'd say "I'm getting tired, let me call you tommorrow" she'd reply "No. Don't go yet, please.". She would also return my calls right after missing them. But now, she hardly answers the phone...I'm lucky if she even does. She won't even return my missed calls like she use to anymore.And when she DOES answer, she does so in an uninterested fashion; "(sigh) hey..." as if she dosen't want to talk, or thought "Damn.....he ALWAYS calls me!" prior to answering the phone. During these conversations, her usual responses to whatever I ask or say are now:"oh...", "Mmmm...", "If you say so..." or "I guess..." and nothing else. I can't build the conversation upon these, so there's usually an akward silence and the conversation ends up dying out...quick. I won't even get a "good night" anymore, either...just a " can I call you back in a minute?" and no call back, even though I wait all night for her to. Why did she start doing this? Is it because I call her everyday? But she told me that it "wouldn't get annoying". Lastly, she dosen't like me. Although it seemed like she really did, she rejected me when I asked her out last week. Yea, I know asking her NOW, under THESE circumstances, dosen't sound like a good idea. I had to though, when Ifound out how big of a flirt she was, and how many Ex-boyfriends she has; I wanted to know if those playful gestures that she gave me before were just that, or real hints at wanting to be with me. She even had a "boyfriend" when I asked her, but I thought it was safe to because she said: "between you and me, I'm still secretly single"...that, and the fact that she once told me "you were going to ask me to be your girlfriend" when I said, "Wait, what was I going to ask again?" When she first rejected me, she said : " I can't. I don't like you like that....I think of you as just a friend". that's all she would tell me before the usual, "Can I call you back in a minute?" came up. Then, the next day, I tried to press her for more reasoning as to why she didn't want to be with me... now she texted me: "you dnt rely like me u jus want mekuz u kno you cnt hav me and bekuz u think im a bitch and i treat u fukd up its nt real." I tried to convince that it was real, and that I truly did like her, but no reply. I just don't get it....how can she pick some random guy that she,herself, said she didn't know anything about, one she knew for literally only two days before being asked out by, over me... a "good friend" who tried his best to let her know he liked her; been the nicest he could, TOLD her how much he liked her, bought her the occasional gift, gave her space when she needed it, been as outgoing as all the other boys who have girlfriends around her, , helped her through personal problems....I NEED to be with her. I'll never meet another girl like her, NEVER. I know you say I might: after all "there are a lot of fish in the sea", but girls like her are truly rare: both beautiful and interested in the same things as I am... plus, at this rate, if I don't get her, i'll never have a girlfriend, or worse, lose her to yet ANOTHER guy who'll swoop her up, since they're ALL OVER HER. Also, school ends May 28th, not too long from now, and I'll be headed to a community college and most likely never her see her again...let alone be able to call her. But don't get me wrong, I don't want her JUST TO HAVE a girlfriend......I do love her with all my heart. I mean, I thnk about her nonstop, the possibility of seeing or being able to talk to her is the only thing i look forward to from the time I wake up to the time i get home from school everyday, I take time out of my busy schedule to call her every single day, I grew my hair out for her (I've never had long hair, but she says she likes guys with long hair), I still wait for her at that same spot after lunch, even though I know she won't come, I always dream about her, and I've even been saying thirty prayers and asking God to let us be together every night before I go to bed, as I know only He has the power to work the kinds of miracles needed for a goddess as divine as her to want to be with someone who isn't good enough like me.So, what should I do? Why did she all of a sudden start hating me? What can I do to re-ignite her intrest in me? And, how do I show her that I'm the one for her? Thank you, and sorry for wasting your time with such a long question/story.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2010): Ok, I'm not proud of this, but I can give a certain perspective since I used to be just like this girl when I was in high school. They're called 'attention whores' and if your thinking 'no way, i know her, shes not like that!' that means she's a good attention whore.
They tend to NEED guys to fall for them to feel good about themselves.
I don't think I was entirely aware of what I was doing, and I can say I wasn't intentionally looking to hurt anyone, but I think I made a sort of game out of getting guys to like me. I would lay it on thick at first, flirting ever so slightly, chatting all the time, meeting up for lunch, etc. But then when it got too real, and the guys started giving me more attention than I wanted, I'd drop them like a hot potato.
Now I'm not saying she's a bad person, because I honestly think girls like her and I didn't do these things on purpose, they just went too far and she decided to cut ties.
Anyway, it's clear she is not into you. And no matter how much you pray, grow your hair, call, or text she is not going to be into you. In fact, it'll probably just make you seem even less appealing.
I think the only thing you can do is take a step back, pretend she doesn't exist and get on with your life.
There's a chance she might see that your not her slave anymore and come looking to contact you again.
But I promise that the more crazy-in-love you act, the worse you're making it for yourself.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2010): She doesn't hate you, she just doesn't want to spend anymore time with you, and though she didn't intentionally lead you on, she did, and you were deceived, believing every step of the way that she would put every amount of effort to be with you as you would, her. There are two problems here, one being you compulsively send her signals which she is tired of receiving, the other being she isn't into you at all, but has deceived you from the start, as to how much she really likes you. This is the kind of girl who is only out to have fun and collect as many 'so called' friends as she can, thriving from the attention she receives out of it. The more effort you put into showing her how much you care, the more withdrawn from you she became, because she doesn't want anything more than attention. You said it yourself..she's always got another guy on the go. When you like someone as much as you feel you do, it's very difficult to slow the emotional train down and convince yourself she's not worth being with. She seemed to care about your attention, and she did care about your attention, but that's all she cared about. It's hard for one to picture someone like her going and doing that to various overlapping people, but they do, because they don't realize the hurt and confusion it causes some of those people, especially the more the unsuspecting victim of the deceit feels attached. It's not like they're out to hurt people, but they don't realize that the hurt comes with. For this reason, be very careful in the future who you get too close to, and watch for early signs of distance and carelessness, even while the person tells you how much they love you being around them. Sometimes the more they seem too good to be true, the more they're thriving on the attention only. She didn't mean to lead you on, but she managed to lead you on enough to keep yourself lead on without anymore help from her. This is the part where she started to feel annoyed, because she couldn't shake you from trying to stay around her, talking to her and waiting for her repeatedly to do the same thing, compulsively. Her answer, to keep you at a distance was to tell you that she really liked you as a friend, hinting that she doesn't want anything more from you. Just stop beating yourself up by trying to impress her, and you'll slowly feel alot better, realizing how very different she is than yourself. It's like false advertising, only she showed herself to be interested when she really wasn't. So the effects of it are the more she distances herself, the more you'll feel compelled to chase her and appear obsessive or compulsive. Don't feel offended, though, because it doesn't mean you really are compulsive or obsessed by her. It's a stringing along effect.. Just break away from her, and if she ever throws the smallest rope for you to catch, don't give her anything, because you'll be right back into a mess of self-destruction, assisted by her. Go find someone who actually seems more realistic as opposed to the buddy-like, false, appreciative show like she has given you. She's a waste of your time. You'll know you deserve alot better than what she has to offer, once you realize how deceiving she is.
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A
female
reader, rambini  +, writes (17 May 2010):
 you need to start by getting some self respect and some self confidence.
"I've even been saying thirty prayers and asking God to let us be together every night before I go to bed, as I know only He has the power to work the kinds of miracles needed for a goddess as divine as her to want to be with someone who isn't good enough like me."
That is the biggest load of rubbish iv ever heard, she is no goddess, she is a girl who gets off on an ego trip by having lots of boys like you falling all over her, and she picks them up and puts them down as and when she gets fed up. you are good enough for anyone and everyone, there is no such thing as not being good enough, and its attitudes like that which let girls like this think they are better than other people and they can treat nice boys like you badly.
you need to have more confidence in yourself, there is nothing less appealling than a boy who fawns over you like a love sick puppy. its a massive turn off.
you should just keep your distance from her, stop calling, stop texting, stop waiting for her to walk her to class when she has legs which function perfectly without your help. when she realises you are losing interest, if she is interested she will make the effort to contact you, if she doesnt bother then she was never interested anyway and was just playing games with you.
you cant show someone that you are the one for them. being "the one" entails it being reciprocal. if she isnt interested then you aren't the one. when she meets "the one" for her, she will feel about them the same way you feel about her now. and when you meet "the one" you will feel like this, but so will she. thats how you know they are the one.
it may feel like there will never be another girl, but believe me there will be. and when she comes along you will wonder what you ever saw in this girl.
so just take a step back, and let her make the moves if she is interested. but if not then just walk away with your dignity intact, and look forward to going to college and meeting new people.
good luck
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