A
male
age
41-50,
*uitarP
writes:IF YOU DO READ THIS AND HAVE AN OPINION I THANK YOU IN ADVANCE...Ok I've been going out of mind over a girl I've wanted for 4 years maybe. We were friends for 3 three years before anything happened between. The first time she was close to an ex of mine so he stopped that there and then really. 9 months later at her party we get in on the next morning and I left thinking nothing but a little happy. However, I've secretly been magnetised to this girl since we met and have always wanted to see how things go with her... We ended up on a holiday together early this year and it was the best time ever (just us two). By the end of it SHE said we should give it a try. I know she was always worried about our friendship getting all messed up but sometimes you have to take the risk yes? Right thats the background...We went out for about a month and I was always quite nervous because I've wanted her so much and was always on edge about her feelings, wondering if she would really step and make it known that we're an item at any point. To be fair she made me feel on edge a bit. Our close friends knew we were dating but I always got the impression a real "relationship" scared her.So after 4 weeks of some fairly good times we broke up over me wanting a relationship I guess and some jealousy over her ex being in contact etc. Trying to get over her I hit the town about 3 weeks later I started dating someone else. And why not? She wasn't exactly regretting our split or wanting me back? She finally pops up on MSN saying that I've been hitting it hard lately and that its "harsh". She went on to say that what we had was really special and she didn't realise how hurt she was until now? Thinking I was getting over this, my world came crashing down once again over this girl. I felt like crap. I didn't understand why she felt the need to tell me all these feelings if she isn't strong enough to say "lets try again". She KNOWS how I feel and I tried give her space to make things easier for HER and our friendship.I made it a lot worse. The frustration of her upsetting me again with all these feelings and then going quiet really got my back up. Short story.. we ended up being a bit nasty to each other over text, deleting each other off facebook etc. Next day she phoned after an email from me apologising for going to far but I was trying to get her to understand why I'm so annoyed. We sorted it out and the call was nice, no hint of sorting things out between us. Just we're best off as friends talk.My question is simple... she said pouring her heart out made HER feel better although she's not saying lets try again? (shes never said 100% no either)."So why tell me all that stuff and ruin my day?"I'm still in pieces 6 weeks later and I'm not expecting to hear from her for a long time now. I'm totally gutted as she is amazing (to me anyway) and I really want to sort things out but I think my contact at the moment will just send her running even further.Any advice on what is going through her head and how I deal with it? ** quick time line, we break up...1st week - she drunk dials me3rd week - i get a late night test asking if I want to stay for a weekend with her? (as if!)4th week - shes tells me how hurt she is but won't step up!5th week - I'm in pieces again, I know we won't speak for a while and I'm lost wondering what the hell happended to us!What next??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker  +, writes (30 July 2010):
 My gut instinct says she still has feeling of some sort for you but is conflicted enough about it to not want to come out and say it yourself.
You've wanted her 4 years, maybe you should think about whether you two should give it another shot?
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