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age
51-59,
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writes: My husband had an affair after meeting someone on the Plentyoffish dating services, well it has been quite the ordeal trying to forgive him, I never thought I would be in this situation, my marriage I thought was wonderful, he was always there for me running my bath waters making sure I didnt work too much it has been this way for 18 years..so I dont know what possessed him to have an affair...and with someone that I could never imagine a crack addict single mom of three little boys,,,,,My question I can't understand what he was thinking when I found out, he just cried and begged me to not leave him, calling the woman all sorts of names that she was a computer whore...yet he slept with her thinking she would go away. and I would never find out.....
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUncle Phil
The answer to your question, I couldn't possibly do more, I sacrificed a lot I worked to jobs in nursing, I let him take up any hobbies he wanted, he joined a band was in a band for 13 years I practically raised my children on my own weekends became very loneyly for me...but he was so good to me so loving I loved and was proud of who I married. He seemed like the husband everyone would die for he is a very handsome man, I never went against any dream he had, I always supported him in any idea he had....This affair took me by surprise,,,I am still numb, and still feel it is a nightmare,,,it has been 2 years since it happened.
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (24 October 2008):
 It takes two to work at a successful marriage, but only one to ruin it. That your husband believed he could and should deceive you makes him an easy target as the one who ran the marriage into the ditch. Although I said it takes only one to ruin a marriage, there is always the possibility that both of you had blame to share. We're not getting his side of the story. And what he told you after getting caught may not reveal his true feelings on the marriage.
If you've come here expecting answers for the failure of your marriage, you won't get them. But what you should expect to find here are some people who can make you reflect on the events leading up to this failure.
Since you haven't mentioned communication once in your original post or your followup I recommend you look at lack of communication between you and your husband as one of the possible predictors for failure in your marriage.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): What he did was very very wrong.No doubts.No second opinions about it.If you feel like ending the marriage ask a few questions: Have you ever run his bath water?Have you ever asked him to take rest and pamper him.If the answers to the above questions are yes! the guy has serious honesty issues.If you cannot forgive him please move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): I've just read your answer to another question and it brought me to this one.
I'm not being the least bit critical, so please don't assume that I am. Your husband did all he could to make you feel happy and secure with life in general by pampering you for 18 years. My question to you is what did you do for him in that time? Does your answer lie there somewhere maybe?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply, but unlike you this woman knew my husband was married, she was a con my husband so deserved to get involved with someone like her his first affair, and she was everything he didnt want. She was a crack addict, she wanted money, and she tried to blackmail him so he got a taste of his own medicine,,,someone lying to him,,but he did tell her he was married she told me her self, he never imagined I would find out, he know longer is the man of my dreams and I have told him so. He cried and pleaded with me that he would make it up to me, but how can you look at someone that you trusted with your life, and realize this person went behind your back and screwed someone stranger who could of been sick of STDs or something else...he could of infected me..a married man puts that kind of danger to himself and his wife when he sleeps with whores on the computer who sleep with women who have many intimate encounters with who knows who.....
Thank you for your reply but it sounds like the men you slept with lied to you about not being married you didnt know that is different this woman clearly knew my husband was married.......
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): I feel for you being a single woman on that site and having married men woo me and lie to me about being married. The confessions I hear from them as to why they are lying to me and lying to their wives can be summed up with, "Because I can," or "What my wife doesn't know won't hurt her."
A common trait they have is that, after the bravado has worn off, they are very insecure with their manhood. They don't feel adored. I don't think it has anything to do with their relationships with their wives, really, because they realize that marriage is a lot of work. And it has very little if anything to do with sex, really. I think it has to do with a lying, competitive culure among men. A culture they rationalize by saying the cave men went from woman to woman, but of which they have no proof.
When they are discovered, it is easy to blame the other woman, but I've been the "other" woman twice, and I wanted to kill the jerks when I learned he had lied to my face again and again and again. And their wives never seemed to exist. I never saw or heard of any proof that they existed. One man had an apartment on the side. So when I went to his home, I had no idea.
Interesting, I saw on Sex and the City the onther night. A young mother told the gals that everyday she made sure that her toddler son knew that he was a god. No woman can satisfy a god and no man who thinks he is supposed to be a god will ever be anything other than a fraud in his own mind.
Society must change in profound ways.
Good luck whatever you decide to do with you husband.
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