A
female
age
30-35,
*uddlybear
writes:My husband is the most loving loyal husband, we never argue at all and we get along amazing, we are both just so madly in love, he’s always been very affectionate and he really is amazing in every way.However he went on a works meal yesterday and afterwards him and his fsnake friend sue decide to stay out and go to some clubs which I have no problem with whatsoever. I called him to ask where I should leave the key and he told me he was lost and he couldn’t find a taxi, I panicked and messaged his dad who was awake to see if he could go find him as I couldn’t leave the children nor take them out at 2am.I tried to call him back to say his dad was coming and a man answered his phone and said he had passed out on the floor I could hear sue screaming for him to wake up and someone was shouting does anyone know first aid, they managed to wake him and I spoke to sue and told him to keep him outside the club til his dad got there she agreed and by the time his parents got there they had been shooed away from the club and wandered off, he was found roaming the streets completely out of it and could barely stand.They brought him back to me and I noticed he had foundation on his face around his bottom lip, I asked him why he had make up on him and he could barely understand a word I said. I asked if he had made out with sue and he mumbled what sounded like yes although I could barely hear and I asked if he slept with her and he got really confused that I’d even think that and said no This morning although feeling very sorry for himself and crying non stop that he would never hurt me or the kids, especially because he was cheated on constantly by his ex, I’m stuck in a dilemma, I do believe him and my friend pointed out if he was making out with anyone he would have lipstick on him not foundation and that someone may have attempted to give him mouth to mouth when he was unconscious in the club, he swore to me that he would never ever do something like this and he’s upset himself for even putting me in this position of doubting him.I messaged sue, with his permission off his phone pretending to be him saying “oh god sue what a mess I was in last night, can’t remember much what was I thinking? Have I done anything that would upset my wife?” To which she replied “no! Don’t be silly you were showing me photos of her and the kids all night and apart from being a drunk mess you did nothing wrong don’t worry have a nice weekend”I don’t know what to believe I want to believe him but am I being naive?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2018): Should you be upset? Yes. Do I think that he cheated and slept with someone else? I very much doubt it, given Sue's message as well as it sounds as though he was just wasted in a club with a bunch of people...not in some worn out motel somewhere...so no I do not think he slept with anyone else.
Was his behavior inappropriate? absolutely. Did he make out with someone? who knows, and if he did he likely doesn't even remember.
It's great that you are cool with your husband going out with female coworkers. BUT I don't think you should be. Why? Because it gets them into situations like this, where they get wasted and there is no guarantee that things don't happen with coworkers of the opposite sex. In my opinion it is completely inappropriate for a married man to be going around like he is an 18 year old college student getting wasted with females. Those days should be long over with. How about a nice night having a few beers with the guys watching a football game? Yes. Not out clubbing till who knows when surrounded by young single females. No. BUT what makes this more complicated is you didn't set the ground rules. My man knows that I would not be okay with it so he would never try something like this. You should have been firm from the start of your marriage that commitment means keeping the drinks under control, not going clubbing unless it is with you, etc. It is a very fast and slippery slope to infidelity.
Take this as a big wake up call to both of you. You need to set some firm boundaries and he needs to get this under control. No more "close" female friends...no no no, not needed for a married man with kids. He can hang with females when you are present which is when most married men do so. Or at work parties where the whole office is there. What the heck were they doing going to a club together anyway? I do think there is likely a flirtation going on with Sue. The third guy present wasn't previously known by either of them, so he was almost there as a decoy while the two of them could flirt and dance.
I think a counselling session is in order and as I say, please don't let yourself be disrespected. It is never a good idea to encourage close friendships with the opposite sex. For men this almost always leads to a flirtation.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2018): you can give him the benefit of doubt. You should trust him, he's innocent. Especially the last bit about messaging proves it. However, he sounds like someone who shouldn't put himself in a vulnerable situation.
Even if there was something I'm doubting he may have been sexually assaulted, in which case you only have to support and help him get over it. If he had to do something wrong, he could have done so discreetly All this passing out and first aid wouldn't come into picture if he had willingly kissed a person.
trust him, but with a stern warning. However good he might be, he is no baby, he has got to take a responsibility for the situations he puts himself in as a married man.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (22 April 2018):
 I think your husband needs to go see his doctor, and perhaps think about QUIT drinking.
I fully agree with Auntie BimBim this makes absolutely no sense. If he needed CPR, he should have seen a doctor.
And I really think he needs to consider quit drinking. Who goes out on a work do and gets so hammered that he is walking the streets not knowing where he is and passing out drunk?
He ought to be embarrassed.
And it sounds like a total cockamamie story to me.
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A
female
reader, Cuddlybear +, writes (22 April 2018):
Cuddlybear is verified as being by the original poster of the question It was just staff
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (22 April 2018):
 Where was good friend Sue and the mysterious stranger when he was found roaming the streets and completely out of it?
When you say first aid was called was that an ambulance or just a club staff member with a first aid box?
Maybe tattoo his name and address on the back of his neck in case he drinks so much he doesn't know where he is, pinning a label inside his undies might not be the best way to go, the person who put make up on his face not giving mouth to mouth resuscitation might forget what they are doing and steal his underwear.
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A
female
reader, Cuddlybear +, writes (22 April 2018):
Cuddlybear is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello, sorry I meant female not snake, I didn’t spell check beforehand sorry. I know they called for first aid as I was on the phone while it was happening, however he did wake up himself when they were shouting him etc it was my friend who suggested that maybe someone gave him mouth to mouth, my husband just thinks he fell asleep at the table and everyone panicked for nothing. He never goes out drinking, he was with sue and some guy all night (the guy who answered his phone) but he doesn’t know who the guy is he just met him that night
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (22 April 2018):
I am a cynic, and Australian law courts and Government are based on those of the UK .... here in Australia if somebody passed out in a club it would be prudent for the club to call for an ambulance, even if it was caused by over indulgence of alcohol as alcoholic poisoning can be fatal and it would a case of duty of care on the part of the club, especially if, as you are suggesting, somebody gave him mouth to mouth RESUCITATION, which indicates he had stopped breathing, and if that was true HE SHOULD HAVE GONE TO HOSPITAL!
You've referred to his friend as fsnake ... is she a snake? Do you trust her? How often does your husband go out without you and get so blindingly drunk that he doesn't know where he is ... my advise is to contact Sue as yourself and ask if she knows why there is make up around his mouth and if she says he needed to be resuscitated ask why an ambulance wasn't called.
I don't believe their stories, but its not my husband. If you chose to believe them then consider pinning his name and address in his underpants in case he gets lost again.
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