A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in process of separating from my fiance. It is mutual. However now i am having second doubts and having moments of panic and anxiety and crying all the time and thinking i've done the wrong thing. We were together for 3 ish years and it was a very turmutulous relationship with lots of breaking up and getting back together, we got engaged and broke up. Got back together after 6 months, which sometimes i feel i did as i was lonely and sick of being used by guys jus for sex. We did undertake a few sessions of couples counselling when we got back together. It seemed everything was so much better. We got engaged again Mar 2009. I was so happy. Then we started to plan wedding which was going to be this Mar 2010. But i started having doubts few months ago and then it really started to worry me one week ago so we had talks and talks overthe last week and we both decided that it's not working, we've tried so hard to make it work over 7 years and for some reason it just isn't. We tend to fight a lot, he has a problem with alcohol which he says he is working on. He tells me i need to change if we are to stay together. I don't think i need to change. But i'm starting to rethink this as maybe the thinks he is asking of me arent that big of a deal. I just love him so much and have loved him for so long and we have lived together since like 3 mths of knowing each other. I feel sick thinking about not being with him and not having a future. Yet i have so many doubts. I don't want to let him go and now that i feel like this and have told him he is backing off saying no it's over now. I know he still loves me too., Why if we love each other couldn't we make it work? i'm in pain and even if there are no answers it has felt good to write about it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): PS. Please add this to my last post as I have omitted it by mistake.
If the whole world is telling you to change, think about it. If a man who says he loves you is telling you to change, then he doesn't love you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): The pain you are feeling is just part of the healing process of the decision you BOTH have made to end it. The end of any relationship good or bad is always difficult but you must trust you doubts and use then as fuel to get you through this.
Be cautions when you are making progress moving on because his ego may not like this. Stick to your gun, you will be helping him in the long run.
I am going with my gut feeling on this one, hope you do the same?
Good luck!
Tony
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