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age
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writes: hi there hoping someone out there can give me some advice on my question i am asking.I am in a LDR and we are committed, we see each other when we can txt, go on MSN every night but gets quite quiet on MSN, cause i am not a chatty person and he isnt,but when we are together we get on well and even if there is a silence its not a awkward silence its a comfortable one. When we are together he strokes my face and puts my hair back off my face when we get intermete, but its the saying expressing his feelings, i asked him why he cant say how he feels when he can show me how he feels by actions hes a actions man, which yes is lovely, but would be nice to be reasurred a odd word once in a while letting me know everything all ok with us especially with been in a LDR, so when i asked him he said he finds it hard to tell me how he feels, which upset me and i often cry about it but i dont tell him i cry about it, but the impression i get if i walked away from him tomorrow i feel he would not be bothered thats the imperession i get, i would never walk away from him cause he his my heart but i dont feel i am his. When we are together he his so loving kind caring towards me in actions, so how can i help my man tell me how he feels or do i wait until he his ready to tell me and will he ever tell me, i so want to tell him i love him and i have a few times but got no reply back which makes me feel silly in saying it so i have stopped saying it to him, he has told me once in a text he loves me but never again, i think its cause when i am with him he shows me he loves me with the little things he does,so when we talk on msn i dont feel it as much cause no words to reasure for me to see. i am feeling i am wanting a heart to heart wih him when i see him next but would not know where to start the conversation about the situation so probably wont say i thing about it, i know what your thinkin if he was telling me he loved me all the time i would be complaining about him not showing me with actions wouldnt i,it just would be nice to be reasured with a odd word now and again cause i somethimes ask him on msn is everything fine with us and he will say yes all fine here, but little does he know that when i have finished talking on msn i often go to cry in bed hurting,i somethimes wich he would wake up one day and think i do love her i will tell her and send a text telling me of his feelings or even suprising me with a visit and declaring his undying love for me but in reality that wont happen.I know he feels something cause of his actions and what he does for me i just want to feel loved by him and i am not at the moment more so when we are apart.hope someone can give some advice thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi fluffypie
thanks for your kind words, i know you mean well but i CAN'T find another man i am too much into this one, and i love him dearly, and no i didnt know that men communicate differntly to us, i was with someone for 10 years, and never really knew of anything different, he left me thought the grass was greener, they say always a reason but at the time could not see the reason why, but now i know cause i was single to meet this other lovely man i am with now, so different to my man of 10 years, with readin what you said, sounds like me a lot, i had to chuckle at some of what you had put so sounded like me, but i think next time i see him we are not am gonna sit and watch the soaps on tv when the kids are in bed like we usually do , we will have the tv off put some nice relaxing music on get a bottle of wine and talk like couples do, he often gets a bottle of wine out for us when the kids are in bed its like a wind down, and maybe then he might speak about how he feels or build that trust with me, his ex which he has the child to well shes out of the picture she was apparantly evil girl and put him through hell, he has spoke a little about that but i know theres more, he might open up one day and tell me cause he his one to bottle things up, he said better that way thats how he deals with pain bottles it all up, but maybe thats the reason why he cant tell his feelings he scard to get hurt maybe dont know, i COULD NEVER HURT HIM he might even say what he likes about me and what he dont like about me, thats the questions i am gonna ask him like i would like to know what his dislikes are what he likes, does he like it when i help him with house work when i visit him, cause i cant just watch him do house work infront of me, and with him been a single dad, he does all the housey things which so strange to me seeing a man doing all that, so yes i will take your advice on board an realise he might find it better to show me his feelings instead of sayin them,but to find another man closer CAN'T do that he lives roughly 2 hours a way but we can only see each other on school hols with us both having kids of our own so thanks for your advice and i will keep you posted. thanks again.
A
female
reader, FluffyPie  +, writes (26 September 2010):
 "how can i help my man tell me how he feels" - He won't. He will NEVER say that he loves you or talk about his feelings over the internet. Usually actions speak louder than words, so if he's loving towards you when you're together, everything's perfect. OK, you DO know that usually men communicate different than us :).
Anyway, this sounds more like you're insecure and attention seeking and you need to feed your needs up with "words". Indeed it's nice to hear from time to time "I love you" or "you're beautiful", especially when your only communication way is the internet, most of the time. But the important is that he MEANS it. If he's SHOWING you that is, and if you feel loved and protected when you're together, it's great.
Trust me, if he's bad with words or "not really chatty", he will have a veeeeery hard time putting his feelings into words.
I'm telling you this because I know exactly what you're going through. My first relationship was a LDR as well and I was craving for the exact same things - I wanted him to TELL me how much he loves me, to reassure me all the time, to send me hugs & kisses over the internet. When we were together, he was loving and kind. But once we were separated, I was very insecure. "Why hasn't he signed in yet?" "Why doesn't he reply back?" "Why doesn't he..." "Why why why ?". He was the typical LDR partner - not chatty and having hard time expressing feelings.
Sometimes you don't get a fast reply because he's most likely doing something else on the computer or around the house. But that doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings for you or anything. We all have a life aside the computer and we don't have to stay online 24/7 just to chat with our significant other.
LDR aren't good because instead of building trust and love up, they build insecurities - you start becoming paranoid and obsessing over "why hasn't he replied when I said that I love him?". From here on, you start to think that he doesn't love you anymore, he broke up with you, he's lying dead somewhere etc.
For your own mental sake, find a man close to you, someone near, someone you can see and touch often. Someone to look in your eyes and tell you that he loves you. On MSN is quite difficult, thus, MSN relationships should remain only "net buddies" - nothing more, nothing less. Expressing your feelings over a machine doesn't have the same impact like when you do it in real life. And he seems to know that. It's probably much easier for him to SHOW rather than SAY.
Best wishes!
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