A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Sorry that this is so long. There are just some feelings that have been consistently bothering me that I need to move on from, and it's hard to explain.I'm a pretty average white guy. 6 foot something, a little geeky. I'm a a student, starting to get older and beginning to see how everything is unfolding as I become an adult.I see the way things are going and don't like it. Maybe I'm being pessimistic but things don't look too good. All my life I have worked pretty hard, despite being lazy. Something changed the last few years. The way I think of it is that I emotionally matured and realized all the pains and insecurities that come with being an average person. This has been such a huge distraction to life.What drives me crazy is a lot of the people that I meet seem to be cocky/confident and arrogant. It really makes me angry when friendly people that I know suddenly change and become cocky and annoying the moment they are around a person who acts like that. I don't understand why everyone does it. It just seems like people cave into social pressures to act and be a certain way, rather than just being truly themselves and treating others the way they want to be treated. Is anyone actually their real self anymore? It feels like all these people around me are competing socially with eachother using their "social skills". I need to get away from it. It's making me sick.Someone took advantage of the fact that I'm friendly to become my friend and then score points with the cooler people by making fun of me. What I seem to be learning from experiences like this is that I should not be openly friendly and trusting with people. It's weird because in order to prevent be taken advantage of I have to be just like them, but I don't want to be like them. I'm not small and can easily stand up for myself. I've just never felt the need to fight, but now it feels like I do.Am I any different than everyone else? What the hell is my problem? Why can't I just be cool and have fun with people like everyone else? Why can't I find people who want to be friends and get away from all the other people who have let the pressures change them? I feel like I'm literally on the verge of losing who I am. It almost seems like the right thing to do.Can someone please convince me that there is intelligent life out there? Who knows, maybe there can't be. Maybe in a few years I will be just like them and converting anyone who is like me now. Maybe I am like them now and don't know it.Another thing that is really bugging me is how girls are. Why are the pretty ones all so mean and horrible? I don't want to be judgmental and say that every pretty girl is horrible but 9 times out of 10 they have treated me like dirt without ever actually knowing me. To put it simply, a pretty girl has never been my friend. A pretty girl once was my girlfriend, but dumped me quickly once she found someone better. I can see though now that things are changing as I get older.I'm scared because I feel like I'm never going to connect with anyone. Basically my logic is like this: girls have never wanted me in the past, therefore if they want to be with me now, they actually want something from me. Maybe they will want my money, or to use me to get something else. After all, my belief is that girls are much more highly socially adept than guys are, and know exactly how to act to get whatever they want.Anyway, I'm going to keep working hard and trying to make something of myself by myself for now. I really wish I could have a partner, or sidekick, best friend, or just someone who understands. What do I have to do to find people and get away from all of the ones that hurt me? How do I find a girl that I can trust? Am I just over-thinking things and being crazy?My brother would tell me to lighten up. Then again, he's had more than a 100 girlfriends... He's never had to worry about being alone. The thing I'm worried about is the the fault for being alone is going to be fully my own. If I acted differently, I could easily get a girlfriend(I think), but because I'm so damn pessimistic, angry, insecure, I'm all the things that girls don't want. I could act confident, and act cool, but I wouldn't be myself anymore. I've actually done it before and it's worked, but I couldn't keep up the act.I know that this is probably too much and probably irrelevant for this site, but if anyone who is older could give me any advice from experience I would really appreciate it. Am I being completely ridiculous for posting on the internet and hoping random strangers can help?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm only really pessimistic, angry, and insecure when I'm around arrogant or cocky people. Basically, the party animal types. When I'm around nice people who don't pick on me, the kind who just want to be my friend, I am very upbeat and optimistic. With my old friends I was very happy. Currently, I'm stuck around arrogant people. I can't seem to get away from them. They are the only people I know right now where I'm at.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2010): "If I acted differently, I could easily get a girlfriend(I think), but because I'm so damn pessimistic, angry, insecure, I'm all the things that girls don't want."
You are pessimistic,angry and insecure.Dude any girl with a pea for a brain would run in the opposite direction.The intelligent ones have a strong radar and keep away from such people.
Counseling could really help.
Being optimistic and upbeat is not a sin or crime.People out there are not total fools.Everyone can spot a bad penny.It may take a short time or a long time,they can definitely be spotted.
You have still got some growing up to do.Take it easy.Good luck dude.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your response. It is very good. I think I just got a little stuck in the wrong crowd and am slowly working my way away from them. There is hope as I think I've found some nice people FINALLY. Literally just met someone today and it has made me feel a lot better. I can see you are from the UK and probably understand well where I am coming from. Thank you again.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (11 February 2010):
 Lol, hahahaha.. no your not posting wrong, you post is very informative and helpful, and this is the best place to come to answer questions like this. Your not ridiculous or stupid for seeing a problem, wanting to fix it and asking a pile of strangers to help you with your experience. What's dumb is to suffer all alone or pretend your something your not.
You don't seem to have a social problem as such, what you are is a highly intelligent and decent guy who knows a pile of shallow idiots. Not their fault either, the stuff they read and the things they watch have convinced them that "shallow and cool" is something important. That's how it is nowaday's and yes, I see it too. hahahaha... I too wonder if their is intelligent life somewhere in the universe.
Now the problem is, there is many people who force themselves to act like this so they can be popular and won't get left out. You, me and other people can't do this, we can't lie to ourselves and we refuse to lie to the world. I feel sorry for them, it must be hell to have to struggle to act so "shallow and cool" every day.
Now I'm not gonna tell you that things are gonna work out right away. It takes a long time to find a diamond amongst the weeds in a garden. But girls and boys are out there that think exactly like you. I don't know where they hang out, because like you they are probably stuck in a crowd of people who talk nonsense.
Keep on doing what your doing. Talk to other people, try to understand that it's the way they are, they are not lucky enough to be as honest as you. Over time, little by little you'll meet more and more people that think like you. You'll never be mr popular, you crowd of decent interesting people will always be small, but you'll be more satisfied with your life, if you can accept who you are. Popular people usually don't accept themselves, they have to always change to keep up with the changing winds of new fashion. Don't despise them, don't pull away. Maybe finding older people to talk to will help you, they are more likely to have gotten over their shallow stage.
Also try to join a club doing something that intrests you. Swimming, snooker, music, chess, whatever interests you. Contact "connections", they are the government run agency dealing with young adults and they have tons of activities going on. If you join a club your more likely to meet like minded people, and it's easier to socialise because they will share the interests as you.
Please don't worry, and don't get upset with people who are not like you. To tell the truth, when I look at these boards they are the one's who are suffering. They often say "people hate me because I'm pretty", or worry because they have small breasts or dicks that bend. They always seem to be worrying about something, and they are usually putting on an act to try to keep looking so "cool". Accept what you are, that's the first step, accept what they are, that's the second. Then go out and find the places where people like you hang out and relax.
Good luck, stop worrying, you should be damn proud of yourself, you got a strong moral compass... blessings.. :)
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