A
female
age
41-50,
*ija30
writes:I am a single parent of two kids and I dont have nobody in my life its just me and the kids. I want to know why I can help everybody else find love but not myself? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (3 January 2011):
 I cannot say why you have not been able to find love yet. But I sure hope the right person enters your life, and you find joy.
And I know being a single parent is a really tough experience at times. You are mother and father, nurse and disciplinarian, cook and cleaner, teacher, driver, decorator, finance director, counsellor, it's never ending. And very tiring and demanding. Plus there's no let up. And no one to discuss things over in the evening, and no one to share the load
However when I read your message I thought of a lady. And I do not know if her story will help. But just in case - there is a lady who did eventually come to realise that although everyone loved her, there was not that ONE partner in her life with whom she could share happiness. And although I changed some of her details - this is how she came to realise that she was forever being good to everyone but herself
There is a certain personality. A person who likes to be kind and caring to others. Who likes to be the first to offer to help. Who often feels their contribution is never enough. Who loves to bring happiness to others. Who is a really good person. This person puts others first.
This person's children always looks well turned out. This is a really good unselfish capable kind person. But all the time who comes last? And why?
The reasons people often don't notice this person is because everyone gets so used to seeing this person put themselves last, so much, and so often, that other people stop seeing this person as needing any help themselves. If a job needs doing, good 'ol Mary will do that. We've got no one to fill that role. Hey why not ask good 'ol Mary, she'll do it, for sure. Who can we ask to to help? Oh let's ask good 'ol Mary.
When Mary puts herself last, then so does everyone else. Pretty soon her children come to see it as their right to get all the nice things they get. Pretty soon others forget that Mary might want to be made to feel special. Just once in a while. The crunch came one year when her teenage daughter 'forgot' to get her a birthday card and 'forgot' to get her anything for Christmas, despite her mother never 'forgetting' her. Mary was hurt, especially when her daughter thought it 'shouldn't matter.'
So Mary took stock and decided some changes, for herself, including:
Mary worked out what was best for Mary.
Got that gym membership, and resolved to at least take time for a daily walk.
Got her hair restyled to a more contemporary style.
Cleared out some old stuff from the wardrobe and held a garage sale of same.
Decided to very clear that just 'any' date was not OK. Because that was not the case. That No partner was better, than the wrong partner.
Mary decided what she wanted, and who met that criteria. It took her 3 years to find her Prince and she swiftly discarded frogs even before they got to first base, because she decided in advance what she would NOT put up with.
And today she does not help out everywhere, the way she used to.
But she now fitter, dresses better and has a more fulfilled life.
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