A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been sleeping with a married woman for over a year now. She has an open marriage (within some limits) and we get along great both inside and outside of bed. She and I were talking and I asked her if she'd be upset if I slept with other women. She said she would not be, because if she was she'd be a hypocrite seeing as she sleeps with her husband. (She says she has no lovers other than me.) However, she said she had one favor from me and that was that I tell her about other women I am with. When I asked for clarification about why (and how I don't "kiss and tell") she said "It's a girl thing to want to know." She said she'd want to know their names, how I met them, what they did for a living, what they are like, and so on.To be honest, I found that request a little weird. Is it just curiosity to want to know? Are these the sorts of details women are more likely to want to know? I am not seeing anyone else right now, but I am not sure I would share so much information if I was. I try not to ask about her husband unless she brings him up. Does this mean she'd be jealous? Is she worried about STDs?I know it sounds weird to ask this about a relationship with a married woman, but I know there are people on this board in open marriages (or who have had affairs) so please set me straight on what motivates such a request.
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affair, jealous, married woman, std Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (28 July 2012):
 Her motives are most likely a)security and/or b)excitement.a) Keeping abreast of your romantic developments allows your lover to gauge where she fits in and adjust her investment accordingly.b) Increasing the sexual tension may increase her sexual thrill. One of the cornerstones of an open relationship is the belief that, supposedly, no one owns anyone and that couples have the freedom to pursue some happiness independently. To grant this request is to blur that line. Any future relationships you enter into would not just be for the enjoyment of you and the woman you're with, but also for the strategizing and entertainment of outsiders. Which brings me to the next dilema; the rights of the woman you become involved with. She did not agree to allow those parts of herself that she shares with you to then be shared with others. If people want to the chance to size her up, should they not take the time and effort to get to know her themselves and give her the chance to do likewise? Or should she be spied on without her knowldegde with you serving as the lens?Fear of contracting an STD is not a valid reason to comply. If she wants to be absolutely safe from a nasty infection she can either abstain from sex, have it only with her husband (and he with her) or take her chances with a condom.In a nutshell, what your lover is asking for is unrestricted access to you and another woman that she is not entitled to.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (28 July 2012):
 Oh Please? If she really cared about any STD then she would insist on a condom every time. She has an open marriage. Who could say if she did have another partner or not.
if you practise safe sex with any other partner/s then let her know that fact.
If you do not practise safe sex then suggest that she, like you, obtain a regular STD test.
If she is starting to feel that she could not bear to lose you then maybe she and her husband should break up and the you and her could become exclusive, IF that is something that you also want.
As she is in an open relationship with her husband then surely she does not begrudge you having other ladies on the side. Who those ladies are is your business. (other thna aforementioned STD tests etc)
Sounds like she is attempting to Exert some CONTROL over you. Not a good situation if you do not seek to be CONTROLLED.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2012): It sounds to me more of a means of self preservation/control similar to being worried about STD's but also to gauge whether she's going to lose you to them and to also know her competition.
Honestly there are probably too many specific reasons to list but it's definitely a power play.
I wouldn't tell her anything to be honest, you said you don't kiss and tell so she has to respect that simple as that.
Look it's very unlikely that you're going to end up dating another woman unless she's out of the picture or you're a bit of a dog that likes to play. So a casual hook up thing is more likely to happen in which case she need know nothing about it unless you weren't safe about it and of course not the same day kind of thing.
The only time it would matter and you should tell her details if the woman is some kind of drug addict or weirdo that's going to be a problem.
Otherwise your sex life is your business.
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