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female
,
anonymous
writes: I got a job 2 years ago but seems like only a couple of months. The previous post holder seems to have left under a cloud and her name is never mentioned except she had a big row with one of the two bosses. I asked one of the bosses, the one she had the row with, why he didn't like her and he said she argued with him too much. I replied that I also argue, but that we get on really well, and he replied that the difference is that I give him good reasons rather than just being argumentative. Anyway, the place where I work is mostly women. The ususal thing where two me are in charge, but the office staff are women. The two senior women, one who is the office manager seem to view me with suspicion yet I have never done anything to drop them in it, or been rude to them. I have noticed that they never say good morning first or include me in a conversation, or even give me any eye contact. In fact they treat me as if I am invisible. I have tried to have it out with the manager but she just says I am too forceful, yet I feel I hardly ever speak, and all the other people seem comfortable with me and I am the same with everyone. I wondered if it could be because I am the newest one there and they are used to being the ones 'in' with 'the boss' but my work is professional and I work alongside the two men in charge seeing the public but it seems a bit petty to suspect they are jealous of my 'power'. I am well motivated and have lots of ideas that the bosses listen to, but it seems silly to keep my mouth shut to please two women when I don't even know if that is the problem. It is very isolating to be treated this way as I am told by most other people that I am approachable and easy going. I am having great difficulty dealing with this as when I have tried to broach the subject I am told I am being paranoid. Over the two years I have an especially good relationship with one of the men I work very closely with as I am in his field, and when I am sat with him I get strange looks even though we are only doing our work and laughing and arguing good humouredly. Any comments on if you think this is all in my mind or could I be really being treated badly by these two women. I have a junior colleague and she is often laughing with them but when I try to just talk I get the cold shoulder. I am so puzzled.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2006): No, the previous person definately didn't have an affair. No one seems to mention her except now and again her name pops up in that she was bad at her job, yet the public who dealt with her liked her a lot. I have defended her even though I have never met her in that the bosses sometimes blame her for things they do wrong themselves and I see them bristle, yet they still treat me with respect and ask my opinion on things. I even work at their side of the building whereas these two women work in the admin office, so my place of work is closer to the men. It is just baffling, the two women do not set me up to fail or anything like that, but I feel such a lemon when I have my lunch break as if I arrive they seem to leave. If I try to make pleasant conversation, they look at me as if I am off another planet. I am also considered to be super efficient and notice details but even then, I do not publicise their mistakes, if anything I cover up for the boss they seem to be jealous of me with. Nothing serious, and he seems to apreciate it not dislike me for it, and I am not doing it to get one up or anything. I understand we cannot be liked by everyone all the time, but I wish I knew whether it was linked to this male boss. He did keep praising me publically for a long time so maybe that has pissed them off, but he doesn't put me up and them down. I was just new and he seemed to be surprised how much I could do and relieved I was not like this previous person.
A
female
reader, anon2907  +, writes (23 September 2006):
 Hey,
The first thing I thought when I read your message was that the women were jealous of the relationship you have with one of the men in the office, in as much as you have a close working relationship with him, and you have noticed them looking ar you funny when you are together.
If that's the case, then it does partly explain why you are being excluded. Purely speculating, I wonder if this might also have something to do with your predecessor and whether she had a similar relationship with one of the guys (or more significant relationship) that turned sour? It could be appearing as if you're filling her role in more way than one - do you see what I mean?
Your female colleagues do sound petty. I think if you can take their attitude then hang around and do the job, but if it's getting you down, then maybe it's time to look for something else.
I wonder if there's any mileage in trying to find out what happened with the person who did the job before you from someone who appears approachable - you might find out the underlying problem behind all this. I don't know why, but my feeling from your post is that it's not just about you, but the person before you - and frankly that's just not fair.
Good luck with it.
Anon2907
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A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (23 September 2006):
 Sounds like jealousy to me and although you want things to be easier and not have these problems I would just ignore it and carry on doing your job as you have been.
Your obviously doing a good job and are well liked by everyone else so I wouldn't let it get to you, just carry on smiling and saying good morning showing them that not only do you not have a problem with their attitude you don't really care about it either.
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