A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I'm a 26 year old girl. Me and my bf have been having a serious relationship for 4 years and we intend to get married. But he fancies other girls too. He looks at photos of other girls in internet (not only porn, even very normal girls)and I know he even masturbates to them. He has a strong sex drive which I enjoy all the time.The problem is, recently, to check him, I contacted him by another (non-existing) girl's name and have been chatting with him over the net for couple of times. He soon got in to a very erotic conversation with me (of course not knowing its me) and I also enjoyed it a lot. Surprisingly it turned me on to know what sort of things he would talk with a stranger. The contents were highly erotic. What do I make of this. I long to have similar conversations with him again as even thinking about it turns me on. I know there are 2 problems here. First, what is wrong with ME? Why am I turned on by something which I should be VERY ANGRY about? Will he behave this way if he is sexually satisfied with me? Has anyone ever had similar experience? Please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): The fantasy of it turns you on, and that's cool. But obviously you are questioning your own feelings about it. If you really want to know how far he would go with another woman, offer to meet him, (as a stranger) see if he takes the bait. Be sure you are ready for his reaction. You can even go so far as too actually meet him if he goes for it! (just like that old song...If you like Pina-Colada) Just make sure you can handle it. But I think that's what I would do! And if you should try that, I would be curious how it all turns out!
A
female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (10 November 2008):
 While many people would consider this to be cheating some wouold not. There is a big differance between fantasy and reality. Perhaps you feel deep inside that no matter how much he may talk about it, he would never actuallly do anything about it. If you really feel that he would never actually become emotionally involved or physically involved with one of these girls and that he is actually engaging in some harmless sexual fantasy perhaps that is why it doesnt bother you. People engage in fantasy all the time. The thing is, it is usually inside a persons head! With the internet and chat available you are able to find someone to help encourage and develope the fantasy. For all he knows he really could be chatting with a 53 year old 400lb man! Ha ha ha! Anyway, if you feel that what you did with him, and what he does with others is truly just engaging in fantasy than that is why it doesnt bother you, but actually excites you. It shows you really have a lot of trust in your mate. You know he would never take it the extra step and try to 'get to know' the person, get emotionally involved outside of the fantasy, begin to care about her as a person rather than a dream or want to meet her to live out some of their talk.
I really suggest that you talk to him. Let him know that you know he fantisises with women on line and that it is ok with you, as long as it keeps its boundries. Let him know you may engage in a little online fantasy, too, but that is is him that you want to be with in reality. If the two of you are open and confortable with each other everthing will be fine!
Cheating is lying, doing things behind your partners back, doing things that your partner would not approve of. Other than that, cheating is defined by the people involved. One couple may consider chatting to be cheating, while another couple may consider porn to be cheating, while another couple may conside that it is ok to have sex with someone else ~ as long as you ask permission first! If you two are confortable and open about this than it is ok. YOu may even find that you want to sit at the computer together and chat with someone!
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