A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hey,Here's my (slightly confusing) situation: I'm 20 and I've never had a boyfriend, never even kissed a guy or anything. Until about half a year ago, I had *major* confidence and shyness issues, and also I never bothered about my appearance - so I'd just put it down to that. Then half a year ago, some things changed, one of which was that I started getting attention from guys. I've had crushes and fancied guys before, and always thought it would be nice if guys fancied me, too. But now I find that actually, I don't like the attention - not at all. Having a guy hit on me is a thoroughly unpleasant experience for me, and whenever it happens, I just find myself wishing he wouldn't, and avoiding him. One time, it was a guy that I'd fancied for a while, but even then I hated it, and hoped he'd give up (he did). In short, I hate guys showing me attention in any way; it makes me feel shallow and used, somehow. I wondered for a while if I might be lesbian, but I find the idea of girls hitting on me just as repulsive. It's not that I don't get crushes; but somehow, if a guy shows me any attention back, I really dislike it. Why am I like this? I'd like to be able to like someone and have them like me back, but I just can't, I hate it and run away. I don't think it's normal ... What can I do about it?
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confidence, crush, lesbian, never had a boyfriend, shy Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): i think it sounds like youve probably still got some insecurities that you dont realise on the surface and that stops you feeling happy with who you are as a person, which could be why you feel like they're after you to use you, admittedly a lot of guys aare like this but that is a certain type of guy also every guy has a different personality, many are into old fashioned courting and suave talking and many woman like this however many woman dont, maybe shier woman with confidence issues cos it embarrases them and shier people get more embarrased than secure, confident people-i used to have some serious issues and i hated courting guys, now however i love a guy to persue me and keep persisting i think it's how it should be-lol. i think it's romantic :) maybe you could try getting some counselling or talk to an intimate friend you trust, i think youre confidence issues may be a mental block for you finding your dream relationship, in the meantime, maybe you could try going after shier guys, they're very sweet and they dont make you feel unconfortable because they're too shy to make a lot of eye-contact, i think it would make you feel more relaxed with the whole dating scene, good luck and take care feel free to message me more xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): wow, this ones a doozy... your going to have to do some introspection girl. what exactly do you feel and why? if you feel this way because you think your going to be used, you have to realise that in order to get LOVE, you have to start small, and thats usually with flirting. noone wants anything serious right off with a person unless they are young, because you probably just met them and dont know them! you have to realize that the attention your getting, while it may seem shallow, is only a stepping stone to larger things. we humans only know how to express our interest in so many ways, you gotta cut em some slack!
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