A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i am 16 and i have had sex twice i want to do it again. i feel like i am always horney my bf recently asked me if i wanted to have sex with him. i dont know what to do i really want to have sex we have done other things but not quite got to sex we were in bed the other day we were all ready to go there he got closer and closer to me and i completely freeked out. i dont get it i can let him do other stuff to me but i completely freaked out when he went to go all the way what does it mean ? because i have had sex before and this has never happened what should i do because he thinks it's his fault and i don't know how to tell him its not Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for all your help i feel more confident to talk to him about it now : )
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): Well there is no information provided on your previous relationships, so I will go ahead and dangerously make an assumption for the sake of being able to rake up an answer. But if I am wrong, please take no offense, just remember that I am here to offer perspective and an idea and am finding it difficult to go about doing with the breif summary above..
the assumption I will make is:
You're previous two intercourse partners do not hold the samw emotional value as your current partner.
If i'm wrong, please disreguard the following.
Of not, then that could very well be why you are "freaking out" this time around.
Example: If you had a male friend who was constantly checking out other women and making comments, you may be annoyed, but you wouldn't feel much else, correct?
However, if you had a boyfriend, or someone you cared for as more than a friend, his commenting would be more than annoying. It would be hurtful to you, and make you insecure, i'm guessing.
The people we care about can hurt us, the people we don't care much for, don't really affect us. So if you didn't care for your previous partners in the same way you care for you current, then sex would not be as nbig of a deal. Maybe it was just sex.. it was fun, it felt good, but you had no conern for the negative it may take on your relationshp. Or it didn't phase you to think of "what if we break up?"
I'm guessing you care about this guy a bit more than the others. And so the thought of what being sexually active wiht him might do, or how it might affect your future, plays a bigger toll on you.
If you can relate to what i said, then thank goodness. If not, then just ignore the crazy lady rambleing.
~SY.
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A
female
reader, Renee okc  +, writes (25 June 2009):
You are probably just scared because you know once ya'll have sex your relationship will change you both should get tested and use birth control but i am sure you should the consequence of what ya'll are doing he may change or you may change take your time and talk to him about how you are feeling he may be pressing you because he thinks thats what you want so just talk to each other then see what you can come up with maybe ya'll will agree to wait together til the both of you feel comfortable
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): Did you rush into sex last time? Perhaps you're freaking out because you're not ready, and if you rushed into it last time then that experience might be (subconsciously) putting you off. Wait until you're ready and are 100% comfortable with him. Just let him know you don't think you're ready to go to the next step yet, if he respects you he'll understand and wait.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): I know exactly what you're talking about. When I was 15-16 I was active, but always nervous about having sex, but felt the physical desire it be sexually active. Later I found, through experience and the hard way, that the nerves were actually my subconscious telling me i wasn't emotionally mature enough to handle sex. It ended up hurting me in the long run.
It wasn't until just last month after 1/3 of a year obstaining that I realized i actually was mature enough. Now.
When it's the right time to make love you'll know it. And there shouldn't be any nerves really involved if it is right.
Good luck with your choice and really think about it. :)
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