A
female
age
51-59,
*oopy
writes:I’m always the one who seems to say about having sex to my husband. He hardly seems to mention it but I do and I don’t know if he wants me in bed anymore. We usually have it 3 to 4 times a week but I’ve noticed it’s me who says it alot to have it. Like when I say to have it in the day, he never suggest that. We are both in our 50s and I didn’t marry to just live with someone without having a sex life.It would just be nice of him to say, are we having it. Do you think he is comparing me to other women he as looked at on line, etc porn stars because of the sex acts they do and he thinks I’m no good compared to them? I want to feel wanted in the bedroom and want him to want me physically. I’m nice looking but I don’t stand out in the crowd I admit but I do the best I can to look nice eith what I’ve got
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2021): Has it always been you who initiated sex in your relationship with him? Some people just aren't comfortable initiating.
If he used to initiate, it's possible that his libido is slowing down, perhaps due to age.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2021): "It would just be nice of him to say, are we having it. Do you think he is comparing me to other women he as looked at on line, etc porn stars because of the sex acts they do and he thinks I’m no good compared to them?"
Well, you know your husband better than we do. There are other ways to look at it, you know?
How did you reach the conclusions quoted above? Does he in fact watch porn, or are you just grasping for straws? If this post was submitted because your husband watches porn, and you have a problem with it; then have a heart-to-heart discussion about that. If you suspect pleasuring himself too much is the problem, tell him so! Be "gently" assertive, but not mean about it. You want something nice from him; so you have to use niceness to get it! Accusing people of things isn't the best way to encourage them to give you something you want or need!
If you don't trust him, or hold unwarranted suspicions over him; no, he isn't quick to want you. If you want it, sometimes "you'll" have to ask for it! Women aren't the only ones who can use that tactic, you know! Consider yourself among liberated-women!
Why must it always be the worst-case scenario? Does there always have to be a terrible reason or egregious purpose behind everything men say or do when it involves women??? These sexist-notions sours on men; especially the ones who are supposed to love you!
Is it too much of a stretch of the imagination that he actually likes it when you're the one who initiates sex? Maybe he is tired of the old-school notion that men have to always initiate sex in a heterosexual-relationship. Women often claim they are tired of being objectified sexually; and sometimes a man likes to know he can still turn you on! Is it possible he just likes to see that side of you? It's surely an ego-booster! Men need reassurance from their mates too!
Maybe it is nice for him to know that you're actually in the mood; and not just submitting, because he asked or begged for it. Love goes two-ways in a marriage. He submits to you when you want it, just as he hopes you will when he wants it. Apparently, you've noticed a change; and it was always "he" who initiated sex. Well, what's wrong with different? Does he always have to make 'you' feel wanted and desired? Is he not entitled to the same, just because he's a man? Why do you feel this is a bad thing? Has he ever turned you down? Even if he has, does he not have the same right as you do about it?
Neither of you are "oversexed-adolescents" at 50; and maybe his libido just isn't what it used to be. You're just a little beyond the peak of a woman's sexuality; usually in her 30's and early 40's. Healthy vibrant and active-women can go far beyond that!
You're still having sex 3 to 4 times a week?!! Is this your first-time here at DC? Have you read the complaints about sex from people sometimes have half your age? You're not bragging by any chance, are you? Trust me, if he was losing interest, his penis would tell on him!
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