A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I was a single woman for two years. I decided to give myself another try with a man after being by myself. The relationship was good in the beginning. I felt that I finally found a good man. We became good friends first then it moved to a more romantic relationship on a higher level. We did fun things together all the time. He was 47, I was 38 and the age difference was good because that was my first time dating a man that was older than me. We continued to date for a year and sometimes we would argue about silly things and would make up after that. As we continued to date I noticed that he was a private man. He didn't like talking about passed relationships and when we would run into problems he didn't want to talk and he would close down. I realized that he was a man that didn't like problems. All relationships have problems. It is up to the man and the woman to sit down and talk about it when both of you are adults. As time went on we started misunderstanding each other more and the relationship went downhill after dating a year. He ended up just leaving without even giving me an explanation what I done wrong. I didn't do no more than he did to cause arguments. I got over it. It wasn't easy for me because I thought I meant more to this man that no matter what problems we had, we could talk about it. It's been almost five months since I've been with him. When I see him, he would come up to me and rub my hair or tell me I look nice, forgetting that he didn't tell me that he wanted to end the relationship. We attend bible study together. The whole time he is there he stares at me and gives me a funny look. I approached him one day to ask if we could talk just about being friends because I don't want to be enemies with this man because I attend class with him. He didn't want to do that either. The thing about this is he will walk up to me and hug me like nothing has never happened between us.I happened to bring a friend (male)with me to bible study that is just a friend and he stare at us the whole time. Now he doesn't speak to me at all, he just stares at me. He didn't want me. Why after he left me does he have a problem with me having a friend? Why after we dated for a year does he not speak to me anymore? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (25 June 2008):
 This is a man who is 47, pretty set in his ways. He left a relationship without any words to you which is very inconsiderate. He then felt that he could just pretend nothing ever happened. Until I got to the part where you said you asked him if the two of you could talk, I thought perhaps he was working his way back to the relationship, but if you asked him that and he said he didn't want to talk, then he was done with the relationship.
He left the relationship because he could not do a relationship. Which by the way is his issue, you did nothing wrong. He still thought you could be friends (mind you a decision he made without you) but when he felt threatened that you were moving on, he became selfish. In the words of my bright 15 year old "he doesn't want you but he doesn't want anyone else to have you." And yes, I too believe he is ashamed that he can not be the man for you.
I agree with the other poster, move on and maybe find a different church or go to bible study with a different group. He will only serve to haunt you there and prevent your moving on progress.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): This man is broken and you can't fix him....continue on with your life and forget him. Perhaps you should even find another church!
...............................
A
female
reader, Magnet-helps09 +, writes (24 June 2008):
Hey there,
he may have had some bad relationships or memories from the past. And may not want what happened to re enter his mind. thats probably why he closes down
Im also thinking maybe he had some bad commitment issues. As you said you were getting deeper into the relationship he started to close down after chats you guys had.
also the way he started acting differently is probably a re-cap of what happened to him and felt he didnt want to hurt you.I'd say give him some time, maybe send a friendly hi.
But dont worry about the little arguments, they are perfectly normal and to me thats a way that couples draw closer. mostly by listening to each others opinions.
so i would just off and on say hi, or give him a little phone call, just asking how he is. But if that doesnt work its ok, everyone is different, and truth be told there is someone thats right for you out there. Its just your job to keep looking to find that special person.
hope this helps.
~magnet
...............................
A
female
reader, MissWendlemoot  +, writes (24 June 2008):
 He is probably ashamed of how he treated you so he thinks saying and doing nothing is better.
What is it that you are wanting from this now?
...............................
|
