A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I spent the night with my bf last night. We just see each other twice a month as it would be expensive if we see each other on a weekly basis but we chat, call and text everyday. He lives 2 hrs away.Here's the thing, when we met, he had just started a relationship with a girl from his city. I never thought we would get to this, I was still coping from a very bad break-up with my ex and he was my confidante. He knows everything and I know everything about him.Anyway, to make it short, he left the girl. I did not ask him to leave her, I thought we will only last for 1 or 2 meetings. He did not tell me they broke up, I just noticed they don't communicate anymore and I told him before not to leave her. He just told me one time that they broke up for how long I don't know. Right now, he is going through a lot of problems in his career and as much as I can, I don't want to add some burden, so I just continue to see him. But I don't close my doors to other guys, I meet some but only for friendly dates. He doesn't know about this.So last night, I brought my laptop in the hotel as he said he wanted to watch some football match. He didn't, what he did, he began checking my facebook and messengers and asking me one by one who those guys are. I let him check it as I was not guilty of any flirty or suspicious chats. One in particular is an english friend of mine which he opened my history and read every line. There was a mention of my ex there and right away he closed it. He became silent. And then he asked why I have many secrets and why I still think of my ex.Then later, we watched "500 days of Summer" as this was my favourite. And he said "you like this film, its crap. You like it coz it shows how a bitch this girl is for leaving her bf like that". I was embarrassed.And today, he did not even send me a msg to tell me he got home safe, he was in a bad mood after he called his old company and got a bad news. I did not say anything, I want to give him space. I noticed he is taking meds these days and he said he has epilepsy. I searched for the drug and saw it is indeed for that ailment.Do I seem like the bad guy now? I feel guilty as it seems like he is improving as a bf and I am getting worse in all aspects. Should I contact him or wait? I realized I am in love with him.Any advise please?
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female
reader, damzle  +, writes (30 October 2010):
 no one is the bad guy
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry, I was too overwhelmed writing this post that I forgot to include some details.
Yes, he had a gf when we met in person for the first time but I found out he broke up with her. He did not tell me first but he admitted later when I noticed he doesn't get any calls or messages anymore from the her.
And then lately, he told me that he is not seeing anyone anymore except me and he has decided to keep it that way. So I take it like we are bf and gf now. Yes I did meet other guys without his knowledge but the moment one guy asks me to be more than friends, I stop seeing them. Just on friendly dates when he is not here and it does not involve any physical thing.
As for the LDR, he just found a job here in my city and will be moving here very soon. In short, he seems like he is going to one direction.
So I am guilty now that he seems like he is straigtening himself. I on the other hand is not performing what I am expected of. And that is why I feel guilty and I wonder if I am now at fault more than him or that I shouldn't be bothered coz he is equally not doing good. I am so confused.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (30 October 2010):
 I like "500 Days of Summer" too..kinda thought it was good.
Anyways, so it started out as an open relationship because he still had started this girlfriend and you were okay with it? Then he didn't say they broke up but were on a break? I'm confused by that part. Since he had another girlfriend you opened your options to dating other men..
Now, what I'm seeing is a big lack of communication here. You guys have this LDR that you see each other twice a month..He had another girlfriend, and know he suspects you of dating other men. However, it seems he wants to be exclusive now. I don't think either of you are quite sure of what's going on between you two. You're not the bad guy, you're just confused. So it's best to have a conversation to see where this relationship stands and more importantly are you guys exclusive or is an open relationship. You can give him a little space, but honestly you already have enough seeing as this is a LDR..initiate contact asap to discuss this relationship.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 October 2010):
 Let me see if I understand this: you were his mistress? You and him were seeing each other while he was still in a relationship with another woman?
And while you call him your boyfriend, you still keep things "open" with other guys, as in dates etc, but no kissing or fooling around with them?
Well, for starters, if you want the privelege of calling him your boyfriend you have to be exclusive. You also need to talk to your man about being exclusive, who knows who else he's keeping on the side.
My last thought is that Im not sure if you even want to be with him? I don't see you as a bad girlfriend, but at this point you're not definiing yourself a his girl. You are describing a pretty much open relationship. I think your guy is getting ready to be exclusive, or at least isn't interested in you getting to date other guys. So perhaps it's time to decise: do you actually want to be in a relationship with this man??
Because if you do: tell him you want to be exclusive, and then no more dates with other guys. Then it's all fine.
As for his comment about "500 days of Summer", who knows why he said that. You could try asking him? My advice is that if he enjoys leaving sarcastic comments around instead of being honest with you, perhaps he's not such a great guy. So if he wont tell you what he means, who knows. Maybe you should tell him to not make those comments again if he can't stand up to it.
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