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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: what is the diffrence or what you will choose between the person which you really have a feeling of love and to stay with him ( which my bf now ) or you want to stay with someone else which your past and a father of your son that you feel only pity because you know that he needs you physicaly, emotionaly and life finace. im with my new bf now for 1 1/2 year by the way' after a long 3 years separation from the father of my son.but the father of my son never stop following me disturbing me not phsicaly but using emotional way or conscience. any help of advice' just to make my feeling a little bit more strong to deal with this thanks a lot. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (18 December 2006):
 I feel that it is completely up to you who you stay with, the thing is u didnt give much about the relationship with the father of your son, if u had a child with him in a relationship or not, the fact is it didnt work and its a pity that there is no trace of love between the two of you and it doesnt really sound to me to be a healthy relationship u had there, u feel u want to be with him to support him and he wants u for that as well, what if tomorrow he gets himself a job and a new woman what then? this will only confuse your child and u will feel betrayed bcos u have given up so much let alone the man u loved just be with him and to make him happy, probably by now ur son has come to terms with his parent's seperation.
Going back to him bcos he is the father of ur child is not right the way i see it this guy despises u, he knows which buttons to press so that u can feel sorry for him, u can ask urself what message is he sending to his son?
i have been in that situation where parents where together for the sake of the children the situation grew so bad that we ended up asking our mother to leave our dad to have some peace, he will bring mistresses in the house while she is at work, he despised her etc we were all battered and bruised emotionally by what was happening between them and the seperation did some justice. its a pain u wouldnt want ur child to go thru if the relationship becomes bad.
Maybe what u can do is to help him gets a job, get him some counsiling to boost his self esteem, ur son need a father who can take care of himself not a father who constantly blackmail his mother emotionally to get his way.
if u feel u want to try again it is also good but keep idea counsiling open, bcos whatever caused the break-up might cause it again as ur ex seem over dependant on u, u might need to depend on him sometime and he might not be there so therapy will open all the possibilities and how u can prevent them. remember u guys deserve to be happy maybe a second chance is all u guys need, just be careful when making all the decisions. good luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2006): follow your heart. How can you possibly be there for your baby if you are not happy yourself?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2006): Oops for me I would choose the person I feel comfortable with.... Choosing the baby father is good and bad... you may find out you only want to have him for the baby's sake, and not for your own interests and end up miserable.Who said a baby cannot grow under two people that love each other even if they are not the biological parents. I would advise you to follow your heart and stay with a person whom you want to be with... just for your sake. I think the only reason you should be with a person is only because of love not feeling sorry for them
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2006): Hi. I'm 17 and have seen my parents go through something similar to what you are describing. Let me just explain the situation and how I felt and hopefully it will help you to understand it from a child's perspective.
I was always much closer with my mother and she divorced my father when I was 10. For the first year my dad would call the house, bring her flowers, cry, and act like a baby about everything. Instead of being the best father he could, he dwelled on the fact that he had been left behind. My mom almost got back together with him at one point, but I knew the entire time the divorce took place that she did not love him and that she was only considering it so that I could have a better life with 2 parents. I told her that I understood this and that she should not reenter a relationship with no love left in it. I am quite happy now with the relationships I have with both of my parents. Most importantly, I'm glad that I didn't have to see them fighting anymore or not be in love. My dad eventually moved on and they are both in happy reationships separate from eachother.
To answer your question, stay where you're happiest. Your son will be happier if he lives in a home with happy people.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2006): Well i really think you should stay with the father of your baby! your the two that had the baby together and you need to make it work out for your kids sake.. i know if i didnt have my mom and dad together i would feel really stressed like everyday between going to mom and dads and switching back and forth would just be stressfull and heart breaking!! well i hope you understand what i am saying!!
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