A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm unhappily married to a man more than twice my age approaching his 70s. While we dated, I knew he was not the right person for me. I however admired his maturity and intelligence. I was at downnest point with no money, career and basically messed up. So I got involved out of desperation. We got pregnant (daughter now 2.5years old) and decided to marry. We live in different continents and my paper work to reside in his country was finalized when our daughter was 6 months. Thereafter, We lived together for 6months but separated, I was so unhappy because he was selfish, not assisting in the household despite having a toddler along. I felt like I was his slave, and had what I considered narcissistc tendencies. Briefly, we had, and still have a lifestyle crash. He is an introvert with 0friends, and his only leisure activity is going for a walk, or very rarely to a museum. I enjoy this but I would also love hooking up with friends over a drink sometimes, watching a nice movie at home, listening to music, playing games e.g puzzle, cards etc, and simply having fun and a good laugh. Ok, so we reunited 5months ago. It has been better. He has changed, participating better in the household and I can see he is trying his best. However, over the last few weeks, I have been so unhappy and depressed. I feel so lost and almost giving up on life on the whole. I can't go on living like this. He is a good provider, but he works from the sitting room. I would love to enjoy alone moments in the house...before we split, he worked from the kitchen, and vehemently refused to move his office from the house. So he came up with this solution of working from the sitting room, which unfortunately isn't working for me. Btw, he is not retiring soon, he is an intellectual, with a good career and of very sound mind. Our intimacy is almost nil. We get physical like once a month. But then, no cuddling, kissing etc. just a peck on the lips. I even wonder how cuddling would be, as we never engag in small talk. Like, I would love to be with someone I can crack jokes with and just be silly. Question. 1. Should I tell him I'm unhappy, and explain the reasons? 2. Is bringing a relative to live with us a solution?-to step in where he is lacking, company, emotional support, shared parenting, etc. 3. Divorce is theoretically possible, but practically impossible. I have no money, and no career. I need to go to school again to compete with the job market. Please give me your views soon. Thanks in advance. Btw, I've no friends yet. and we plan I enrol for course late this year after our daughter is enrolled to a daycare
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (26 April 2013):
 You met him when you were at your lowest with no money, no career, no job and now you're in that same place but with a young child. I know you say you were desperate, but obviously he was not the solution.
You need to stand on your own two feet and take responsibility for yourself, and for your child. I'm glad you're planning on enrolling for a course, it's a step in the right direction, but you need to do more.
You could discuss with your husband about whether a relative could live with you as an au pair, but it's not going to solve the problems between you and your husband. And you'll have even less "alone moments" in the house with a third adult there.
I think you should discuss all this with your husband, but the main thing (as I see it) is for you to stop drifting, start taking positive actions. Enlist on the course, join a mother and toddlers group and make friends, get a job, even a part time basic job - gain independence from your husband so that divorce (if it comes to that) is an option.
All the best.
A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (26 April 2013):
 You two shouldn't be together. I don't see what you get out of the marriage other than financial stability.
Relationships should be about love and companionship. It sounds like you didnt take time to get to know each other properly before you married. What do you have in common?!
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