A
female
age
41-50,
*bd26
writes:Just wanted some advice or comments on what you think of the situation this is my story its really long if you need to know more let me know. I'm confused. I'm not sure if I should stay married. I love him with all my heart he is my world but for a long time the passion has gone from our marriage. The thing is he says he knows exactly what to do to keep me happy but he won't be happy, the worst thing is I don't know how to keep him happy. Our interest are different he enjoys his games and being indoors a lot not much of a party person where as I am I love the outdoors and hate being cramped in this space for so long. We live with his family which I hate but can't really afford to move out because we barely have money. Two people kissed me a couple years ago before we were married and I stupidly let myself get kissed. Yes alcohol is a bad thing! Yeah it may have been the strongest point in our relationship but I was lonely and I was missing him so much and he would barely talk to me he was so wrapped up in his damn games we'd have nothing to talk about so I should have taken a hint back then that things would be bad later. Also when I say this I admit I was very wrong and should have thought about what I was doing. I thought if I forgot about it and never mentioned it it would just disappear. But I was wrong I was very wrong! So I finally packed up my stuff and left my whole world behind to start a new one with someone I thought I would be happy with for the rest of my life. But I guess it didn't work out that way. At first it was exciting to be back in his arms and be with only him I was so happy to see his face when he picked me up from the airport that all my worries disappeared and I thought I'm finally getting my happiness I had been single for so long and when I was with someone they always disappointed me I was always second to them and I was so happy that I finally found someone who put me first instead of them self who did everything to make sure I was ok and who loved me back with everything he had, and who didn't want anyone else except me to be in his world. Just before we got married, I found emails on his computer of him and another girl of intimate conversations between them which should have been another sign something is wrong. I forgot about it and again moved on and got married with him even though still to this day we both say we got married too quick and should have waited. I still believe that he is the one that is meant to be in my life forever but should we still be married I don't know! After a couple months I was beginning to get lonely. I was bored and that was because I didn't have a job and I had no friends. Until I finally found 3 jobs so I was busy now I had no issues I was ok again but he wasn't but I guess I didn't realise or was oblivious to what was going on in my relationship with him that I didn't notice the sexual part of our relationship was failing. Maybe this is just me blocking out the bad and only seeing the good in hopes it will get better. So things moved along I still kept finding the emails and websites we fought about it but everything kept going back. That man has a way with words you could say enough to make me do this over and over I love him and now I know why the people on the talk shows stay with their partners even though shit is bad but because they love them! I just thought that our love could fix all the hurt and we would be happy again but that is not the case. Its like everything is going in circles. The I got hit by a car and I was back to my boredom again being stuck in the room all over again and it sucked depending on him so much for everything I know understand his stress and I'm truly sorry but it wasn't easy for me either leaving behind everything I had and then everything here kept getting bad. Then I finally got back to working again but I got pregnant I was so happy I'm finally having a family of my own and now my life would be complete I have everything that I've always wanted. But being pregnant wasn't first the bad morning sickness and then my husband telling me that he doesn't feel the same as if emotion wasn't already a big problem with being pregnant now you tell me this. It was like my heart was hanging out of my chest on a piece of string waiting for someone to cut it off. How could he feel this way when I thought I did everything to make sure he was ok. Or maybe I just thought I did and it wasn't really what I was doing. The worse part was we weren't sexual at all it was like it totally disappeared i'd hate engaging into something all the time and then get pushed to the side like I was nothing. But he didn't feel it at all. Then the worse day of my life when he befriend someone and fell for her now my heart had actually fallen from the string and no matter what I wasn't sure how to get it back. I was really hurt and didn't know what to do. How could he wanna spend more time with her instead of me it was like I was knocked down off his pedestal and put in line of his list of things he loved and I didn't feel like I was one of those things anymore. How could someone who said they loved you so much hurt you this much. I thought things were getting back seeing as we started having sex again and I thought it was great but obviously not that great. Thought I was finally getting my happiness back till he told me he kissed her... And from that point on I hated him I hated him a lot but the fact he was still there trying to work it out with me made me wanna love him more and harder than before. It hurt when he put a time limit on our relationship and included divorce but I guess if nothing else is working then why should we keep hurting each other. Apart of me still think it was more than a kiss but what can I do now what's done is done. All we can do now is try and work on getting us back. Which is why I wanted to do this try and see where we went wrong.
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female
reader, wpgchick  +, writes (15 January 2009):
omg girl sounds like what i went through got married to fast thought it would work had a child together and 2 yrs after being married we are now divorced sad but true..but i learnt that if things dont seem right then really they arnt 50/50 give and take in a relashionship..yes i still care for him since we havent been together for a yr now and always will...we are better friends now then when we where married strang and sad but true so life goes on and we learn from everything ,i know its tough but keep ur head up things do get better in time take care cuz i care;)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2008): Mr.Anonymous I am curious.Do you still love her?Did you stop loving her because you didn't get along?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2008): I am going through something similar. You cannot stay with someone out of just "love"..there has to be something else..If you don't get along, you don't get along...I was with someone who when we were alone an intimate we were fine and then when we tried to live daily life, it was constant fighting! I did love her, but we didn't match..you have to leave and stop basing your happiness on someone else.
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