A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey i need advice, my fiance has turned into a right wimp. when i first met him, he was this matcho man, very confident and could handle himself, he used to do MMA, now hes a right pussy. i touch him and he says ouch and hes always hurting himself. its kind of like hes always on edge, hes very clumsy now, tripping over stuff, banging his head, even when they are so visible. because he keeps tripping over stuff, i always say "watch the [item that is near him]" and he ends up becoming that much on edge he falls over himself, jumps or hesitates.the other night we was going to watch a film so i paused it on sky, before when we've paused stuff it kept coming up not enough space on disk to watch it, so i was like "ah dont be long because its a good film and i want to watch it" he put our son in bed and came downstairs, our son was crying. i said "what you doing?" he said "i thought you wanted to watch the film" i said "yea i do but are you just going to leave [our sons name] crying espec as he is ill" he said "sorry, how long do you want me to be" i was thing wtf? you cant put a time on how long your going to be, i just told him not to be long.hes breaking everything lately aswell, wine glasses, my sons toys, our stuff etc. he will not make decisions, i ask him something and he says, its up to you or i dont know. we are ment to make decisions together. we just end up sitting in silence because he wont decide something! its getting me so fustrated! why is he being such a wimp? iv asked him and he's said because iv brought out his sensitive side and he is able to express his feelings now. he says he used to be so cold hearted but now hes not. thats ok but why is he always on edge? hes said its because he's not in the police anymore so his confidence has gone down, but when i met him he wasnt, he doesnt do MMA anymore, i guess that could be another reason, iv told him to go do it again, but we dont have much money.its getting rediculious now, i have to tell him to watch things because i know he'll break it. its getting to the point where ill do everything because i dont want it broken or going wrong. i know this might make him worse and make him feel like hes crap at everything but we havent got the money to replace everything. how can i raise his confidence again? i always tell him hes gorgeous and stuff but he doesnt believe me. i try raise his confidence but its not working. he isnt the guy i met 2years ago, hes this scared, shy, clumsy guy. any advice would be helpful
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confidence, fiance, money, shy Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): This sounds exactly like my uncle who was diagnosed with a brain tumor. His balance was shot, his emotions were all over the place, he became forgetful, listless, apathetic about important things and over emotional about little things, didn't have any interest in his old hobbies.
It might not be the same, leaving the police could have been a huge change in him. Why did he leave? Because if he suffered some kind of on the job trauma it could be that too. Perhaps PTSD could be a possibility.
Look people don't change that drastically in character without some major cause, you need to find out what that is before you can find a way of helping him return to normal.
A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 Buy him a book called "Body for life" I give this to a lot of people who are in question of themselves and their lives. In his case it will give him something to keep his mind on in a strong positive way.
Body for life is a fitness program. But also teaches in eating right and most importantly helps people in building confidence in themselves. It may not be for him but it chages peoples lives in a positive way. And it's a fun self fulfilling challenge.
Other than that I only assume he was never really a macho type and you've cracked his shell now. Does he do any if these things in public? If not, then it has something to do with him wanting to be somewhat mothered by you. If yes, then it's deffinatley appropriate to see a doctor as soon as possible, as a major shift in personality behaviour could be something psychological or even possibly chemical imbalancement in the brain. You will have to speak to a doctor to be properly diagnosed and assessed. Get the right advice for this one!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): i think the best way you could help him is to let him go. he will find someone who respects him and he will soon buck up.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): Well, first of all, you don't seem to have any respect for him.
Secondly, he seems to have a child, and that can make for a lot of exhaustion, self doubt, worry, introspection, and this goes on and on and on.
What does he have to do to show you he isn't a wimp?
HERE ARE SOME IDEAS:
Come home drunk and beat you?
Cheat on you?
Beat someone else up?
Rob an armored car?
Join the military and leave you at home alone with a child?
Kill the neighbors?
Need any more ideas, I've got more.
ALTERNATIVES:
MMA isn't the way to show you are tough, loving your children and caring for them when they are sick is.
Staying up at night with a child and comforting them is.
YOU being more understanding and good to him and reassuring him is.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (1 November 2010):
 I don't mean to alarm you, but I think the first thing you should do is go with him to the doctor to make sure he hasn't got a condition of any sort that is making him clumsy. It seems very strange, unless he is so low on confidence that he can't cope normally with things (this is possible, but quite rare for it to be so extreme that he keeps breaking things).
I think there is an underlying problem, whether physical or psychological, and that professional help is the best way to go. Then they can get him better.
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