A
male
age
41-50,
*carface83
writes:Hi there all,Sorry for the long story but.....I am desperately looking for some help and any answers would be deeply appreciated.I have recently split up with my girlfriend of 2 Years. It was a very troubled relationship with arguments and she has previously finished it on 2 other occasions but we got back together. This time it is a lot more serious with my ex girlfriend moving back home 150 miles away. Until recently even though we have split up we have had regular contact through phone calls e-mails and we have also spent nights together in hotels last weekend bening the most recent night. Now the problem is when we spend time together either in hotels or the night at my house we have the most amazing time talking kissing cuddling, she is very loving and caring telling me she loves me and wants me in her life and cant think of herself with anybody else. I of course take it all in and say the same back. Then after we leave and go our separate ways, she is always very loving and very regular on the texts saying the same she loves me and cant wait to meet up again. Then after a couple of days the texts become less frequent and she becomes very distant, I last sent a txt on Friday but have not heard anything back. It is driving me mad as I don't know whether to send her another txt or just sever my ties and don't contact her at all. My head is all over the place as I love her so much and when we are together it is the most amazing.Please help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009): I think long distance relationships are very difficult to maintain for both sides. Insecurity is part of it, feelings of unrequited love, overblown emotions rather than the secure feeling of a healthy relationship, dealing with the seperations, fear of being dropped or cheated on while apart....I could go on.
The thing is you two dated for a good long 2 years and you had a difficult relationship, breaking up twice before and now it is on again. How can you expect it to be any better than it was before? Especially, if you haven't worked out the old issues that were the problem, like learning how to fight fare and communicate with each other, like how to negotiate your relationship?
I think once you leave she may be distancing herself from you in orer to get on with her life there, you need to become out of sight out of mind, otherwise it is tortuous to her perhaps. The thing that concerns me is she has moved back home away from you. It seems to me that this relationship has run it's course and you two may just be 'depedent on each other' rather than in love.
I don't think it matters if you send her another text or not, that is entirely up to you. Personally, I dislike text messaging for anything other than to say where I will be in 5 mins or when trying to meet up with someone. I think good old fashioned face to face communication is best, especially when wanting to talk about issues, and after that talking one on one on the phone.
You see 90% of human communication is not verbal. It is in the tone of the voice, body language and facial expression, most of which are lacking in a long distance relationship...misunderstandings and misconceptions about what the other person meant abound.
No one can tell you what to do except stop focusing so much on her and focus on yourself again and go on with your life or your day, depending on how you want to look at this thing.
As far as cutting your ties and never looking back, I personally think you are long overdue, but it is not my relationship so I would hate to tell you that, who knows maybe she would be willing to move where you are. If not, if someone doesn't move, this relationship for sure won't last. If you do decide to cut your ties, I think instead of just disappearing, you should tell her that you do not want any contact so that the both of you can heal and move on.
Tough position, I understand, but it is what it is.
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