A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey all, simple question. So I have been broken up with my ex for over a year now and I'm reflecting back on past mistakes. I'm wondering maybe one of the mistakes was that we had sex too early. We talked about sex maybe 3 weeks into our relationship but we didn't have sex until 2 months into our relationship. This was due in part to our long distance situation. I was wondering when should two people in a relationship start having sex?
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female
reader, Piepie  +, writes (16 September 2011):
 This has always been a question I pondered myself and only recently sort of figured out. I had always been told when it feels right, when your committed to each other, do it whenever, wait a couple months, etc, etc. In my experience you have to be mentally prepared for the "consequences", and I'm not talking about STI's or pregnancy I'm talking about relationship consequences. If you’re okay with, dare I say it, having a fuck buddy go right ahead. But if you’re trying to build a serious relationship you should wait until you feel comfortable around the other person and that you should feel a certain connection. Sometimes having sex too early in a relationship is “the straw that breaks the camel’s back” and ruins everything. I know it sounds really cheesy but it is true and I know from experience, if you just dive into having sex it can become an awkward situation. At home or in privacy you might be all over each other but when out in public you don't know how to act because you never really got past the first stage of the relationship. Also before you start having sex with somebody find out what they really want, that way there are no surprises later. Don't ever assume anything about the other person because they could be betraying a completely different image for what they want.For example one of my exes, when we first met we got along great and were really good friends. But shortly into our relationship we had sex. After that it felt weird because up until that point we hadn't really been affectionate with each other and then there was always a weird element to our relationship. So no matter what anyone says having sex with a person changes your relationship with them, either in a good or bad way. Now I'm not claiming that I know everything, but I think it's best to wait to when you know that you won't regret it. It could be two days, two weeks, or maybe two years but believe me you'll know when. I made the mistake of rushing things in my past relationships and all I did was hurt myself.Currently I am dating a guy and him and I have been going out for four months. When I met him he was different from everybody else and something clicked in my brain. We only waited a couple weeks and it’s something I won’t regret. It only made our relationship better there wasn’t any regrets or what if’s and I couldn’t be happier. Not to be cliché or anything but just follow your heart. :)
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 September 2011):
 They should/could start having sex once they are in love and committed to each other (are exclusive).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2011): I don't think sex before marriage should be allowed. Call me old fashioned but that's how I see it. Too many people jar sex with people they don't love and I think sex should be personal and intimate..not just one night stands!!
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (16 September 2011):
 THe very correct answer is after marriage but the "other answer" might be once you know beyond all doubt that this is the one for you and the two of you will spend the rest of your lives together-that way there's no "guessing" who did what with whom .
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (16 September 2011):
 Whenever the time is right, and when comfortable with it in every way.
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A
female
reader, KittieS  +, writes (16 September 2011):
 Hello,
Everyone is different and every relationship is different.
I think it also depends on how much you see of that person during the early stages.
In my experience, sex just happens when your both ready and you can't put an exact time when it will be right - it just is.
My current relationship, it was sex on the first date and still going amazingly well, but that was right for us. Maybe because were both a bit older but it felt right.
Another relationship I waited over a month, because that's when it felt right.
I suggest that you don't put pressure on yourself or her and just let it take it's natural course! Sex should be fun and a way to bond with someone - your know when it's right.
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