A
female
age
41-50,
*ddballswife2014
writes:This might be in the FAQ but I couldn't locate it. My husband and I have three kids ages 10, 9, and 5 months. We broke up before our middle child was born and then got back together a few years ago. When we first got back together everything was wonderful, we talked all the time. Now he seems to expect me to hang on his every word and when I talk he acts like I'm not there. We visit a relative of his pretty often and when we are there I can talk but he will honestly act as though I haven't said anything. To see if it was in my head I asked a question while there was a lull in their conversation and he didn't even look in my direction. The relative is his father's second wife (his first step-mother), his father and she are divorced but she had been in his life since he was five years old and our kids think of her as a grandmother. I hate going to visit her because of how when we are there I completely disappear to them. She doesn't spend time with the kids only him. I have seriously thought they were having an affair.
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female
reader, like I see it +, writes (9 June 2015):
 Did he have much contact with his birth mother growing up, or did his stepmother fulfill the "mother" role in his life?
I too don't really see evidence of an affair in this - it sounds more like a mother/son relationship. His focus on what she has to say may be pure habit, since the original dynamic of their relationship was likely her ordering/directing/otherwise "parenting" and him listening and complying with her instructions. "Mama's boy" is a harsh and derogatory stereotype, but it exists because some men have a harder time than others growing up and letting go of strong maternal influence in favor of autonomous adulthood. It sounds like your husband may be having some difficulty with this.
As for why she doesn't take more of an interest in the children, she may not feel as close a bond given that she sees them intermittently, is not related to them by blood and is by definition one of at least three "grandmothers" in their lives, including their two biological grandmothers. She may not want to confuse things for them by insisting upon recognition as such. Meanwhile, the strong bond with her stepson already exists and evidently doesn't require any cultivating - easier, then, for her to structure social occasions with your family around that.
However, if your husband constantly ignores you when you're talking, even when he is NOT in conversation with others, that is a separate issue and one you should definitely bring up to him. Respect in a marriage goes both ways and if you listen to what he has to say you have the right to expect that he extend you the same courtesy.
Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes!
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (9 June 2015):
 Sounds to me as if she is besotted with his as if he is her son. He fulfills a need in her life and she honestly only sees him.
Perhaps she was more of a mother to him than anyone else and he shares a mother: son bond with him that is strong.
He may also enjoy being the centre of attention with her idolising him as her son. Even though a step-son.
Observe what it is about her that makes him feel so good.
She's doing something that connects with him emotionally.
As a little boy lost, while his parents squabbled after the divorce, she may be a stable influence in his life.
I wouldn't think affair, i would think mutual admiration and respect because they both fulfilled a need. His to have a mother who was there for him when he felt lost as a little boy and her need to have the privelege of being a mother to a little boy who needed her.
I was always very close to my first mother in law, and even more so after my first husband died. A few years ago we worked out what I was prepared to do for her if she ever needed extra support. When she needed extra support after her first stroke I stepped in to give her that support. I made sure my guy was aware of that agreement, as it was not negotiable - I wanted to help her.
Not once was there any complaint from my guy. I felt honoured by her trust in me.
People can be close to others in a family type situation even if they are non-blood relatives.
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