A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Found this text from a chat log on my PC: "Hi Sexy Man!!!!!!!!!!! Are we still on for Memorial Day weekend?"At first I thought it was my daughter to her new boyfriend (since she shares my PC) and so I asked her if he was coming down for that weekend. She said no and asked why I asked. I told her what I found and she says, "Sorry Dad, I know you wish it was me." Well, the only other person who it could be is my girlfriend of 1+ years. Suddenly a week ago announced she was going back home Memorial Day weekend for a sorority mini-reunion. I didn't think much about it at the time.So knowing that her ex-guy doesn't live too far from where she was going that weekend, it clicked that she had sent that to him. So I confronted her with it. She was highly defensive; sent me the emails of the sorority get together invites as proof that she was going up there for that ONLY. But then admitted that the ex-guy was having a fraternity reunion that same weekend in same city. Her argument is that she talks to all her guy friends like that and was just checking with him if the whole event was still going on for that weekend. In other words, it was nothing. But I say it was "something". This isn't the first time something like this has happened between her and that guy. Mostly the first few months of our relationship, but it has been over 8 months and we are really in a good place now - I thought. We didn't come close to breaking up over this, but it is unsettling. I am deeply in love with her and believe she is deeply in love with me. After all is said and done, it is still there under my skin - the doubt that it was "nothing" and was really "something". Should I be worried? Concerned? Am I in denial - blinded by love?
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female
reader, Star_07 +, writes (23 May 2008):
 This could be nothing. Emilysanswers could be right on about this.
But I wonder, you said "this isnt the first time this has happened..it's been over 8 months" Exactly what do you mean? Them seeing each other? You gettin upset? Has she cheated on you before?
Is there any real reason to doubt her or not trust her?
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (21 May 2008):
I'm married and I'll call male friends "Hey Gorgeous!" just in a jokey way. They know it's jokey, I know it's jokey, my husband knows it's jokey because I did it when we first met him to everyone. He understands it's just a phrase.
The fact she used a million exclamation marks says to me she was just happy when typing and not really thinking about the deeper meaning of her words. "Are we still on.." also is not a romantic / seductive way of speaking.
She told you honestly that her Ex was going to be around. Why would she do that if she was going off to cheat on you? You sound like a very defensive person. When you say you confronted her, was it in a serious-accusation way?
It was only one line of chat. You need to tell her you love her and make sure things with her are good before she goes. Don't push her away.
Talk to her about what has made you this paranoid and just tell her you need a bit of reassurance, the odd phone call when she's away, that kind of thing.
Don't let that paranoia get any worse or you could end up throwing something great away.
Also, talk to your daughter. She seems to have a low opinion of your girlfriend, and could be passing that on to you.
Good Luck!! xx
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