A
female
age
51-59,
*ustrated jayne
writes:Hi! My name is Jayne and am extremely fustrated with my love life. Here's the situation--my boyfriend of a little over 6 months does not want to ever have sex--it's like pulling teeth or something. In all other aspects of our relationship everything is fine. We get along great hardly argue-he is very intelligent and can carry a conversation unlike many other men I have been with in the past. Back to the problem--when I try to get intimate I am often pushed away. So basically I have given up on it. After being rejected over and over It's like okay, whatever, why even bother. The maybe six or seven times we have had sex (remember this is 6 or 7 times in six months!!) he can only last for a few minutes (and that's stretching it's probably more like 30 seconds) So I've come to the conclusion that this is his problem. When I try to talk about it he thinks the problem is that I don't give him oral. I have in the past but it is very one-sided and I do not get anything from it. Does this guy really think I'm just to give him oral and not get anything back and that I'm supposed to be satisfied with that as a great sexual experience. He has even said that a lot of women just like gving oral and they like to please their men. I don't know what do you guys think I need some help but I'm not giving him any oral especially after that comment he made to me. I need to know what can be done about his premature ejaculation problem. thanks for any imput it would be greatly appreciated!
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female
reader, Lamb  +, writes (17 November 2008):
this is so screwy. he is a selfish, selfish, lazy BOY. you deserve more. can you try explaining to him that (BELIEVE IT OR NOT) you have similar sexual needs and desires that you need to be satisfied? i'm so sick of treating men with kid gloves, being sensitive to their "penis issues". i say he needs to take responsibility for your pleasure, cos it sounds like that's what he's asking you to do for him.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (25 September 2008):
 There could be two things going on, first: He is an asshole who only cares about his own pleasure. The way you describe him that seems unlikely and if that was the case he would just have sex more often with you although only for his sake.
Second: He doesn't have a clue. He might simply never have picked up what real sex between lovers is about, he might truly believe that some women enjoy giving oral (other then in the way of enjoying making another person feel good) and that a blowjob is foreplay for a woman.
Certainly most porn will not show him any different. Deep throath, a few slaps and straight to ass. Maybe a cumshot in her eye at the end to show you care.
If he is really the nice guy you claim him to be, then it is time for him to get some sexual education. That he is 30-35 and still hasn't picked this up however makes it hard to believe that he is truly that nice a guy. Unless of course he is a (near) virgin. Just how much sexual experience has he had? Rumor has it that the first times a guy has sex he tends to come very quickly indeed. Not that I would know. No sir! Not me...
Might you be the first (or nearly) woman he has been with? He is intellectual you say. That is another word for nerdy, women your age go for it, but be honest, when you both were 20 years younger, would you have been with him?
If he doesn't care about your needs, there is little you can do except find a new guy or take care of your own needs.
If he has no clue, it is time for you to teach him.
If he is in-experienced, you will have to teach him as well but be very careful not to hurt the male ego. He hardly would want to admit he doesn't know what to do and you hardly want to create a relationship were you are the one who has been around the block more then an icecream cart and he the innocent groom in white.
Finally, premature ejaculation can be dealt with and there are plenty of resources on that subject. Easy measures are condoms (reduce sensitivity), reduce foreplay for him and increase foreplay for him. Plenty of oral for you before intercourse gives him to cool down and you time too... well you know.
Oral for him when he suffers from PE is hardly the answer short-term although it can be used during excersises to learn him to control his orgasm.
Oh, and before you go to far. There are MORE posts about men NOT being able to come after an hour of intercourse and the woman complaining about soreness and feeling unsexy then about PE.
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