A
female
age
30-35,
*bsinthe
writes:me? I’ve been rejected a lot.? Me and my boyfriend are dating for like 2 years now.. and for a year and a half sex was great, but now its different… He always refuses to have sex with me when I initiate it. It gets me really frustrated. His reason was he’s tired and lately he told me he doesn’t want me to be nymphomaniac which was admitted I am kind of addicted to it, but not like I do it with him everyday.. Its not like that I promise. So basically, since his been refusing me, and when there were a time he becomes aroused and we do it, it doesn’t feel good anymore. It hurts whenever we do it and I’m not really enjoying it anymore. To tell you the truth it kind of hurts when I try to kiss him on the neck to get him aroused and he just refuses me or kinda scolds me, but in a nice way. He tells me to stop. It really makes me sad. I feel like I am being unwanted or something like that. We don’t even do foreplay anymore and it kinda gets me frustrated because it wasn’t interesting as before. Its like we lose that spark you know? I feel like we’re old married couple getting tired of having sex. I don’t know whats wrong with me or him? Since the time that he’d been rejecting me, I got tired and I don’t get aroused anymore. Its like im just forcing myself to feel it, but seriously.. its different now. I’m kinda confused and sad. I love my boyfriend so much and he loves me too and I cant bare to think that il have sex with other guys because I am deeply attached with my boyfriend, but there are times that im having these thoughts of wondering what if… , but im not planning to cheat I am assured of it….. Urgh! I don’t know whats wrong me… please help. Im kinda confused
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 September 2012):
 I am not sure what's the frequency now but, as much as your body thinks you need sex x times a week, you don't. You might have used regular sex as a measure of love, like before. Assuming that everything else is doing fine in your relationship, your love has not lessened, it has become deeper and you are more comfortable with each other. Sex has always been easy. It requires little thought, and it's pleasurable at the beginning. Now comes a time you do other things as an expression of love, not a means to get sex, but just purely showing that you love him inside and out, that you are not with him just for the sex, you are not dependent on him like a drug. Love should be flowing, not a demand, love should be comforting in times of stress and lethargy.
If nothing works, you have to decide whether this relationship is going somewhere. Intimacy is important. When he just shuts down and refuses to talk, especially about the future it could signify that he doesn't really want a long term, and is thinking of a way out. Loving each other for the person they are and wanting a future with them can be separate things. A person has to be able and willing to take on the responsbility of taking care of a family. You don't want a partner who comes home, eats, watch TV and then fall asleep.
It could also be that even though you say you love each other, you don't really feel loved because there is no constant effort. And you are relying on sex to supply you that loving feeling.
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