A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've married my husband for 22 years and he treats me like dirt in the recent years and says he never loved me. I was hurt then divorced him. I met this man 18 years my senior who treats me very nice and always says he loves me. I can't believe it is real cuz I've been treated badly for a long time by my husband. When he says he loves me I just think he wants sex with me. I just don't believe in love anymore. Please advise.
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male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (1 April 2008):
 To be honest with you, I cannot understand how women often think that every person is alike, whether male or female. It is simply untrue. Please do not compare every new acquaintance in your life to others, especially this jerk that you described. In my opinion, you simply need to be a bit more selective about those who you accept in your life, and know that some folks, even men, are different - some are truly sweet and loving. Some are good and many are not, but never assume. Try to assess men by learning more about them before getting involved.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): Somehow I think this new relationship you have is confusing you. You were married for a long time and had to deal, by the sounds of it, with a pretty poor lot. Over those years you have been chipped away at and felt probably pretty low. When you were treated badly by your first husband, you became perhaps used to it. You can't compare the two. Whilst it would be normal for you to make the comparisons. If you haven't been told over the years that you are special and loved, then when someone does tell you these things, it is natural that you want to know what they are after.
I personally think it would be good if you could perhaps get some sort of counselling or self esteem involvement. You need to look now at things differently, experiance this relationship without the baggage of your previous life. You need to learn how to receive love and give it. It is not that there is something wrong with you, just that you have been conditioned to feeling this way, and doubt others intentions. Personal growth in this area will make you feel much happier and in control of your life and the people you share it with.
This new man sounds like he does genuinally love you. Perhaps the only concern you have is if you feel the same way. If you do, then start to heal the previous feelings associated with relationships and look at this as a new beginning. If you don't feel this way about him, or are unsure, then have a break and learn to laugh and love again without any pressure.
Some people don;t have another chance at love, it would be a shame if you missed something that could be good for you now because you scared. Scared is okay as long as we don't get hurt, battered and bruised by someone elses ways.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (31 March 2008):
 Don't mix up your ex-husband with everyone else. This guy you've met is another person. When he says he loves you, it's different. And anyhow, your ex said he didn't love you.
Why does anybody say they love someone? Look, with this older guy, tell him how you feel. Tell him you don't want to have sex, you just want to feel loved for a while. Then see how long he lasts, or how he reacts. Often older men are really good at knowing how to treat women decently - they've had more practice, and made their mistakes! It sounds like he appreciates you. He probably enjoys spoiling you. Poor guy - he probably thinks he's doing all he can to be nice to you (and maybe feels very sorry for you, for how it was with your husband - wants to make it up to you), and yet the nicer he is, the more you think he wants something!! What is love, anyhow? It's thinking someone's great, and caring about them, and appreciating them, and wanting to make them happy, isn't it? That's all true, and you must believe in that.
I think you should talk to him. If he's a sensible guy, he'll understand. You just need time - and a lot of love - to get back your confidence. Good luck with it.
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