A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi im 20 years old and i have been with my boyfriend for nearyy two years we have a good relationship howerver when he was younger he was very badly atacked and humiliated by 10 guys who kidnaped him they striped him beat him and other things. he went of the australia for a year to get over this and we started going out when he got back in the early stages of our relationship i seen gay chatrooms and internet sights where he had been chhatting to other men i confronted him about this and he stoped it all and told me something happend once (sexual experiance with another man). i came to terms with this in time and all the things on the net stoped but now a year on it is grating on me he kisses guys on the head as a joke and even if he gives his mates a hug it makes me jelous and angry this has made me very paraniod and controling over our relationship and i hate him going out with out me he let slip tonght that he was bi then quickly corected himself saying "used to be" do u think someone can change after what he went through
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2007): Honey, I'm sorry for you and for him. Sadly, when anyone man or woman encounters a situation like your boyfriend did, they are emotionally scarred for life. Yes, he will heal and be normal again. But, normal may be what he has already decided in his heart. When your boyfriend went through such a traumatic situation his "man-hood" was stripped from him. He was overpowered by 10 men, most likey sexually assaulted, and overall affected in a way you or I may never understand. He's justified what happened to him since it has happened. This is why he can live a life with you. It sounds to me that he has justified it not in his favor. As you and I both know, what happened to him was not his fault, and I'm sure he knows this as well. He had to make this ok in his mind in order to heal. By doing this he overcame a huge obstacle in his heart, which in turn may now be a place of security. What I'm trying to say is, these men did something to him that never should have happened, but now he has conquered the pain and it's become somewhat of a happy place. He obvioulsy likes men. You are in a very unique situation and I think that you will eventually become the best friend he never had and only that. He will move on to what he feels is his destiny. This destiny is probably going to end up with a man in his bed than a woman. The only thing you can do is be sensitive to this issue, he probaly hasn't told anyone he's gay and he's going to need you to once again overcome. Good luck.
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