A
female
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anonymous
writes:When does communication get better in a relationship? My b/f and I have these stupid fights and it's always over the way we communicate with each other. Example, the light bulb needed changing in the bathroom. They are special lights; the light bulbs are small and fragile. He tells me he wants to always do it, I am too clumsy. It's a light with 3 globes, the one of the right is out. I ask him to change it, I leave the light on so he can see which one is out. A few minutes later, as he's walking to get the bulb, he asks me "which one"? I don't know why he's asking this because it's obvious when he walks in the bathroom it's the one of the right. So I think maybe I forgot to mention it's the bathroom light. No, he gets mad and says I'm not answering a simple quesiton: "which one?" I say, "What do you mean which one? It's the one that's burned out, if you walk in the bathroom, you'll see which one." And I'm thinking to myself this is a stupid question, all three globes takes the exact same size bulb, so why does he need to know ahead of time which one? Just grab a bulb and go in there and you'll figure it out. Now he's screaming at me and I tell him it was a stupid question and why are we arguing about a light bulb? He said he wanted to know so he could track which bulbs keep going out -- and I'm thinking to myself, as you're changing the light bulb, you make a note of the fact that it's the one on the right. I shouldn't have to spell it out for him. The whole thing was ridiculous but we are always having these weird kinds of fights. He said my answer was "smart ass" (I think I said, "well walk in there and you'll know) Maybe it was, but I thought it was a dumb question. And I didn't know why he asking me. Do other couples have these stupid problems? It seems like I'm being set up, like he's looking for a fight and I always walk in blind-sighted like a dumb ass and then we end up in a big fight. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, scythe +, writes (23 August 2009):
 He sounds quite immature to me, honey. I can understand that he would become frustrated when you did not understand his first question (and fair enough - it does seem like a dumb question!) however he definitely over reacted. Perhaps he was having a bad day (work is going badly etc?).
I would follow the suggestions of the other aunts who answered your question. Try to answer his questions politely and to the point to avoid any miscommunication which may start a fight. It seems like something ELSE is causing him to be nasty. Try gently asking him if something is bothering him, but make sure the time and place you have this conversation is appropriate.
Good luck
xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLuckily I am calm. He screams and I purposefully lower my voice and speak slower and calmly. But it doesn't change the situation. I may feel slightly better that I didn't stoop to his level and start a screaming match, but we waste so much time over trivial things and I don't understand why he is so reactionary to every little thing. Then again, no woman has ever lasted more than 4 years with him, so that might be the reason. Thanks for listening. I just needed to know I wasn't insane.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wish it was that simple. When he first asked me the question, I honestly thought I had failed to tell him it was the bathroom light. So I replied "The bathroom." To which he asked again, "Which one?" And I said without really thinking, "The one over the sink." Again I really didn't understand that he was asking which bulb was burned out because it didn't occur to me that he'd ask something he could figure out on his own. I thought perhaps I had not made it clear that it was the light in the bathroom, (because the lights there are very different from all the other lights in the house) so instead of him seeing that it was kind of a weird question, he just kept getting madder and madder and so I finally asked him "What are you talking about then?" So he finally said "which bulb is burned out?" By now he was standing in the bathroom himself, and could obviously SEE which one was out, so I said, "Well if you would've just walked in there, you would've seen." So perhaps if I would've understood what he was asking me, I would have said the one on the right. But why would anyone ask an obvious question?.....
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