A
female
age
36-40,
*avannahbronx
writes:So this kinda goes with my last ?. But here goes. The relationship that i am in is a bad 1. We fight all the tme and its always about something dumb. He yelled at me over lettuce we had to buy in the middle of the street.how humiliating for me. And in front of our 3 year old. Im blamed for everything that is wrong with us and he refuses to stop drinking. Lets not mention the hitting while im preg and in front of our daughter. He moved out calls me names and down plays our relationship. Only basing us on our sex. And how much we have. I feel used and refuse it all the time but im a young woman that wants to have fun. Im 24 he is 30 the difference doent seem that big but it is. The way he treats me like a child and not a good. We are preg now and im about 98% hes the father. Made a mistake when drinking but the last guy denied that it was his because he said there is no way. The condom did not break or anything. He didnt even touch me without it. Heres my question - Whats wrong with me and the guys i attract. Should i leave my current boyfiend who lets mention moved out but tries to come around for sex and to sit and drink and yell at me. Almost like he wants me to feel as bad as he does on the inside. Controling my emotions. And last ? Is the guy the jerk one night stand right. He says he was sober. I was the one drunk.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): What's wrong with you and the guys you're attracting, YOU are NOT taking time or being selective enough in who you have as partner.
I'm quite shocked, and feel very concerned that your 3 year old, who you say has witnessed, this man his/her father 'hit you' whilst pregnant..and then further on in your posting suggest that THIS current pregnancy could 'possibly' be another man's ( Ok you do say 98% that is it is the man you're with now) and then you ask, what's wrong with you!
The important and vital person in all this dreadful situation, is YOUR child, who is not by the sounds of it having a very good example set by either parent, nor one that is safe and secure without witnessing physical abuse. You should take responsibility for this, and NOT allow your child to be in such a situation. You are not married to this man, so get him out of your life, as for saying " I feel used and refuse it all the time but im a young woman that wants to have fun." So I'm presuming you are referring to sex, as being FUN..as though it's like going to the cinema, or taking a holiday..no wonder you are pregnant for the second time, which there is no excuse for, mistakes can happen once, but when it comes to a second etc, it's just careless and irresponsible behaviour.
You are NOT being used, YOU are allowing and encouraging this attitude from men, if you are allowing a man to come into your home, where your child is, sitting and drinking, ending up having sex with him, then LOOK at yourself, NO man can use a woman for sex unless she allows it, and that is what you're doing, and by the sounds of it, through a drunken haze most of the time, as with the ONE-NIGHT STAND.
Perhaps you should seek some professional help with this destructive, self-orientated behaviour of yours, as I don't see any one part of your posting concerned with affect this having on your child, just about you, and how at your tender age, you just want to have fun.
STOP getting drunk, don't allow men to have sex with you until or if you have been going out for several months, don't bring any man into your home where your child is, until HE proves his worth of you and your child, meaning you ONLY date a man, and then see how HE behaves after a few months. You don't allow a man to hit you EVER in front, or not in front of your child, full stop. Not acceptable. He has to go, no second chance.
And lastly look for other pastimes other than sex and drink as your hobbies for having fun. Expand your horizons, as this is not very emotionally mature. SORRY, it has been tough and very direct, but YOU asked the question, so must be prepared for the answers. We are not here just to give the soft option, the shoulder to cry on.
Sometimes reality has to take precedence, especially where children are involved, and hopefully instead of being defensive or negative about this advice, you will open your eyes and really re-think what you are doing with your life and your child's life.
Please think about your child, and NOT allow this abusive man into your life any more.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (14 December 2010):
 There's nothing wrong with you as a person. You've made some bad decisions though. The first bad decision was staying with this guy after he hit you the first time. He is a total dirtbag and isn't worth your time or affection. Make a good decision and cut him off. His actions show that he isn't worthy of you.
As for the men you attract...well...guys like that know how to find women who can't say no. It's kind of like predator and prey. They go out looking for women who have low self esteem and problems asserting themselves, then they jump on that woman and use her for all they can get until either the woman finds a spine or they meet a better prospect. There's no tried and true way to avoid these guys, but you can avoid getting caught up in their drama.
There are two books that I think would be good for you to read: The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker and He's Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt. I think both of them will give you insights on how to stay away from loser men like that.
Good luck.
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