A
female
age
51-59,
*iva t
writes:I have worked closely with a guy at work for about 2 years and have been attracted to him for about 1 and a 1/2 years. he is very flirtatious on the telepone, eluding to having a relationship, however, on several occasions, when i have asked him to go out, he always "has other plans". i have come to the realization that we will never be more than "just friends". however, today, i asked him about another guy that he works with (i just wanted to know if the guy was nice) my friend took a different tone with me. he continued to ask me why i was asking about his co-worker and eluded to me calling his co-worker to go out or to meet after work. why the sudden change in attitude? i am not interested in his co-worker. he actually was sounding jealous, however, is not making any sort of move to ask me out or to convey his feelings. what is going on with him and how should i respond to his behavior? i really like him, but he only sounded interested in me when i inquired about someone else in a non-romantic way. what's up with him? what's up with the whole situation? i need some advice...quick!!!
View related questions:
at work, co-worker, flirt, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (20 November 2008):
I totally feel you sister. It really does feel like they are from another planet sometimes.
A
female
reader, diva t +, writes (16 November 2008):
diva t is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks again to all of you who responded to my follow up question. the response/advice that you gave was most helpful. however, i find myself still disappointed in the male species. they are so selfish and either don't know or don't care. honestly, i think it is the latter of the two, but i'm hopeful to eventually find someone who not only thinks about his needs but wants to please others, be honest and do right by me. maybe i'm only dreaming, but to think otherwise makes the whole situation hopeless. again, thanks for your advice and i'm sure i'll be hearing from you again real soon!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (16 November 2008):
My dear you are thinking on a very logical plane. Women's emotions, minds and lives are all very interconnected. It's not always that way for men. You are thinking that if he doesn't want me for his own all the way then why would he care if I'm interested in someone else? All very logical.
But he's a man. They can be much more compartmental - and much more primitive. The ego boost he gets from flirting with you comes from your attentions towards him... and he wants those all to himself. And he's happy enough to have that just be that. In his mind it has nothing to do with dating or you being in his life. He doesn't think about your feelings or being fair to you or what you deserve. He's just a selfish guy who likes the ego boost he gets from flirting with you.
When you start showing interest in another man right in front of him, then yes he acts jealous because that diminishes his ego boost. You are giving your attn to someone else - not him. And he wants all the attn for himself. Totally unfair of course - but then he's selfish and not thinking of you. Make sense?
...............................
A
female
reader, diva t +, writes (15 November 2008):
diva t is verified as being by the original poster of the questiontigerlilly, moongoddess and emilyanswers,
thank you three for resonding to me in a timely fashion. the answers make a lot of sense, however, maybe i'm just clueless when it comes to relationships. okay, the guy likes to flirt and have his ego stroked, but why then would he become jealous? if he isn't interested in me, then so what if i ask about someone else?
...............................
A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (15 November 2008):
This same thing happened to me a while back... I had a co-worker who flirted with me, actually asked me out for coffee dinner drinks etc but would never set a time or make a real move. I backed off. Sure enough, that year at the Christmas party I found out he had just gotten married to his GF of 5 years. He just liked flirting with me - that was it. Period. So if you've shown interest in this guy for a year and a half with no real action on his part - he's got something else going on. He just likes flirting that's it. And of course he's jealous. Emilyanswers has it from there.
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (15 November 2008):
Wow, it sounds like your guy loves having his ego stroked by flirting with you.
So when you hint towards finding a better guy to flirt with then he's jealous.
Ask him about the other guy all you want and if he gets jealous then ask him what his problem is?
Point out that you've asked him out and he's said no your reasons for asking about someone are none of his business.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
|
